Lourens Living the Life of Luxury in LOS

[Lourens]

Great idea this community blog effect. And I think it should stay open for comments. Keep it in the family I always says.

Anyway, some of you might have seen all this on a blog I kept on the other website but I have subsequently taken it off from there and was wondering where I could give free range to my ramblings. So here goes:

We have a bull. Or rather, our boy, Tho, has a bull. And he had three cows too. There was another old guy who used to look after the cattle for us but he became too old for the job and decided to retire. This left our livestock with nowhere to go at night and the only solution was to keep them in our yard, the same yard that we built a big wall around to keep the cows out and stop them eating our garden. Our garden is not your typical English country garden of the song but more of a natural style garden where anything goes. We did plant some trees and a few flowers and they were doing well with all the care and attention we gave them during the dry season. Then the rain came and they were doing even better. Then the cows came and most of them were eaten down to the roots. We decided to sell the cattle but could only get a buyer for the cows. It’s a buyers market these days and they can choose what they want and nobody wants a bull right now. So we still have to take care of the bull. Tho takes the bull out in the morning before school, makes sure he has food and water for the day and then brings him back in at night to feast on our garden. Then one morning he was late for school and didn’t take the bull to his usual spot but just tied him up close to mamma’s house. There was food and water enough but being a bull with ambitions to explore and, I’m sure, missing his cows too, he went looking around the house. The spirit house which stands in front of the house then looked like a nice place to scratch himself against. The spirit house did not stand up to this attention and tumbled over breaking into a hundred pieces.

Let me explain about the spirit house. Every house and building in Thailand has a spirit house which usually stands in a corner of the yard. This spirit house is there for the spirits of people who used to occupy the land before and when a building is placed, it is customary to give the spirits a house of their own so that they can stay there in peace and not disturb the people living in the new building. Offerings of food and drink are sometimes made at the spirit house to ask them or to thank them for good luck. The spirit house is a big deal and taken very seriously.

You can just imagine how the bull was seen after this incident. In a bad light is putting it mildly but amazingly he was still considered to be just an animal and animals do what animals do. Now action had to be taken to replace the broken spirit house with all speed. A new one was bought that very same day but unfortunately the Brahmin priest who does all these blessing ceremonies for us was busy with another important ceremony somewhere else. An appointment was made to get him first thing the next morning and he gladly obliged. All is well again in our corner of the village.

Post script: Another old guy offered to take care of our bull for us while the bull takes care of his cows. Everybody wins!

[Admin]

Good story showing the importance and how seriously Thai looks at the spiritual side of life,where most foreigns forgot long time ago. (or so I feel anyway..).

In some way its amazing to see and try to understand the way thai life is standing for.but on the other side you can see so many contradictions in life here.. ummm ..

[Lourens]

All right. This is all new stuff never blogged before. But we're still on the spirit houses. I call it:

The Big Chicken Murders of 2004.
Soon after our house was built, it had to get the spirit house erected in an auspicious place on the property. The place deemed fit for such an important structure was in one corner of our property next to a nice tree that carried some significance for the family. The spirit house was built and duly blessed and inaugurated with the obligatory scented waters, powders, flowers and incense. It was a beautiful site to behold. All colorful and cheery and everyone was in good spirits.

The only problem was that the free ranging chickens who used the tree, for several generations, as their perch every night, now had a very convenient stepping stone up to bed. And you know what chickens do with all those worms and seeds they had for lunch. They defecate – profusely. This all went onto the spirit house. But not only that, the chickens also had to check out their new convenience which caused them to bump around and break some of the small statuettes and trinkets dedicated to the spirits. Very bad karma indeed.

The first order of business was to try and persuade the chickens not to use the tree as their perch. So every evening at sunset, the kids, armed with catapults, rattling cans and sticks went out to chase them birds away. But the chickens would have none of this. They were here first and that’s the way its gonna stay. I found it quite amazing to observe their perseverance. The chickens that is, not the kids. The kids would give up after dark. But those chickens would walk around clucking indignantly until they would find a gap and wham! They’d be up on the spirit house and on to the tree.

This went on for about a week when my wife couldn’t take it anymore. Every day she had to go out and clean chicken poo off the spirit house and try to repair broken artifacts. And every day she would tell her brother to take care of his chickens or else. . . But he would just say those are not his chickens. The plot was thickening. My wife grew more agitated with every chicken dropping she had to clean. Something drastic was going to happen. It was now just a matter of time before she snapped.

I was sitting on the porch one evening having my sunset beer when the kids came to do the chicken chase. My wife came storming out to do a children chase instead. She told them to leave the chickens and let them enjoy their last night. I thought this was a bit sinister but didn’t think much about it as the cool brown liquid soothed my parched throat. The sun set. All was calm. Only the odd gecko did its mating call. The wife appeared again but this time with a determined look on her face. She walked straight to the tree followed by two kids. Still silent, the kids got into the tree and started picking chickens as if they were the fruits of some weird genetically engineered plant. Slumbering chickens don’t move much and this made the task of collecting all of them easily accomplished. They got them all. Eleven chickens was bound and bagged and left for the next morning.

Brother-in-law Joy came by just after breakfast and did the deed. All the chickens, a whole generation, was wiped out and plucked and frozen by lunchtime. When wifes’ other brother Noi came around in the evening with his mates armed with a bottle of Lao Kao, the conversation naturally turned to the chickens. Or the lack of chickens in the yard. My wife had no problem explaining to him the dilemma that she had. Needless to say, the Noi was upset and started to throw one of his tantrums. But not enough rice spirit was consumed at that early stage to let him explode into violence. My wife’s timing was perfect. When Noi looked like he was going to do something radical, she produced a couple of bottles of beer (my beer) and all turned to smiles. A confrontation was averted. Anyway, Noi had his prize cocks safely stashed away in a coup at a friends house and all he wanted was a chicken to share with his mates for dinner.

All of this and not a word about bird flu!

[Somnat]

Great story Lourens

We live in town, and I miss all the similar "going ons" that seems to happen every time we visit friends and family outside of town.

Mind you, there is still a lot of gossips and stories that happen here. I hope to relate some in the near future

[Lourens]

Thanks for that Somnat. I'm sure we're all looking forward to read your stories.

[Lourens]

Dogs are a very common sight. Some families have pedigreed breeds like Dalmatians, Rotweilers and Poodles, which I found surprising at first but the reason for this was because they breed them and sell them as pets. I understand they make good money from these too and I even investigated the possibilities myself at one stage. It is still in the back of my mind and may come to something in the future.

But the most common breed is the pavement mixture variety as found all over Thailand. Mangy looking dogs not well looked after and almost always infected with some kind of skin parasite. I feel sorry for these animals and at one time even went on a crusade to try and rescue some of them. The local vet sells an injection that takes care of that skin condition but it has to be followed up regularly otherwise it just comes back.

One day I was sitting with a neighbor having a quiet beer when a pick-up truck drove by. It had cages with dogs on the back and when I asked what that was all about, was told that it was stray dogs being picked up to be sold elsewhere for meat. All very natural in these parts and nobody thought it was out of the ordinary. It just goes to show that there are still some things I have to get used to.

You know how kids are; they bring home a dog as a pet and then forget to look after it. It then becomes the parents’ responsibility to take care of these animals. Our boy brought home such a puppy one day. It was very cute and everybody made a big fuss over it. The only problem was that it was a bitch and the first thing I thought off was that one day this bitch will have puppies of her own if we don’t do anything about it. My wife wanted to know nothing of the sort. “We can take care of the puppies when they arrive.” Of course this never happened – the taking care part of it I mean. The getting pregnant part happened in very short order and six puppies arrived not unexpectedly. They were ooh’ed and aah’ed over for a while but the novelty soon wore off.

Now we had seven dogs. Two moved away on their own accord because I think they thought it got just too crowded. I kept making noises to get rid of some of them but there were nobody who wanted them. They were all grown up and not so cute anymore. Also, it became a big problem to feed all these dogs all the time and it became more difficult to find food for all of them. And then, if we had enough food, they would start fighting each other like any dogs would. Also, they were making a mess of our yard dragging all sorts of rubbish around. All these dogs became a big problem. Then one afternoon we were sitting outside having sundowners when this pick-up with cages full of dogs came driving up. . .

We now only have one dog to take care of.

[HappyinIsaan]

My sympathies regarding the unwanted dogs, but if you were to witness their distress, you would never give them to the "dog truck". If you are in lower Isaan, then they are most probably taken to the Chong Chom border market, where the Cambodians come over and buy them. They are individually trussed up in sack cloths, waiting for sale by the kilo. Their wailing and cries of anguish are heartbreaking to any animal lover. How they are killed is another story.

[Lourens]

I do appologise if I caused any distress here and I realize that this might stir up a bit of controversy. There will be a number of people who read this and feel very strongly about animal abuses. But this is Thailand and this is how things are done around here. There are no animal protection agencies to look after domestic animals like you would have in the west. The only animal protection agencies are those for either elephants or monkeys and they are both privately funded.

The fact that someone takes the trouble to gather mistreated and underfed dogs so that they can be put to good use (feeding people), is a big plus in my opinion. They are no longer called pets at this stage. I mean, it’s not like you’re going to take a frying pan and say: “Here, boy.” Rather than letting these dogs suffer, use them to relief the suffering of hungry people. And that’s what it’s all about – the people. They come first and once every soul is fed, watered, clothed and housed, everything else will be looked after.

Now that is what I call getting the priorities straight. In some countries people will spend millions to care for pets while there are people without food and housing. How messed up is that! Don’t get me wrong here. I love dogs and cats have their place too. Sure a dog will a good companion and will protect you but then you must be willing to look after it. Once you cannot look after that dog anymore and it is starting to impact on your own well being it is time to get rid of it. And that is what was starting to happen to all the dogs we had. It was becoming more and more difficult to look after them all. So instead of starving half of them, it became time to reduce the numbers to a more manageable figure. And the best way to do that was to help feed people.  hungry

[HappyinIsaan]

I do appologise if I caused any distress here and I realize that this might stir up a bit of controversy. There will be a number of people who read this and feel very strongly about animal abuses. But this is Thailand and this is how things are done around here. There are no animal protection agencies to look after domestic animals like you would have in the west. The only animal protection agencies are those for either elephants or monkeys and they are both privately funded.

The fact that someone takes the trouble to gather mistreated and underfed dogs so that they can be put to good use (feeding people), is a big plus in my opinion. They are no longer called pets at this stage. I mean, it’s not like you’re going to take a frying pan and say: “Here, boy.” Rather than letting these dogs suffer, use them to relief the suffering of hungry people. And that’s what it’s all about – the people. They come first and once every soul is fed, watered, clothed and housed, everything else will be looked after.

Now that is what I call getting the priorities straight. In some countries people will spend millions to care for pets while there are people without food and housing. How messed up is that! Don’t get me wrong here. I love dogs and cats have their place too. Sure a dog will a good companion and will protect you but then you must be willing to look after it. Once you cannot look after that dog anymore and it is starting to impact on your own well being it is time to get rid of it. And that is what was starting to happen to all the dogs we had. It was becoming more and more difficult to look after them all. So instead of starving half of them, it became time to reduce the numbers to a more manageable figure. And the best way to do that was to help feed people.  hungry

OK you make a valid point, but if the dogs become superfluous, surely it would be better to have them humanely put down than to suffer the traumatic experience they inevitably do prior to being killed.  Feeding the hungry people is one thing, but there is no shortage of food in Cambodia, and besides dog meat is a delicacy and commands a high price.

Many people turn their unwanted pets over to the wats, where there would seem to be an unlimited amount of food available, provided by the local citizens in the belief that their donations will provide them with a better life next time.

If only it were so easy to dispose of wives and girlfriends after they were no longer considered "cute" and became a drain on our pockets!

[Mr.Steve]

I do appologise if I caused any distress here and I realize that this might stir up a bit of controversy. There will be a number of people who read this and feel very strongly about animal abuses. But this is Thailand and this is how things are done around here. There are no animal protection agencies to look after domestic animals like you would have in the west. The only animal protection agencies are those for either elephants or monkeys and they are both privately funded.

The fact that someone takes the trouble to gather mistreated and underfed dogs so that they can be put to good use (feeding people), is a big plus in my opinion. They are no longer called pets at this stage. I mean, it’s not like you’re going to take a frying pan and say: “Here, boy.” Rather than letting these dogs suffer, use them to relief the suffering of hungry people. And that’s what it’s all about – the people. They come first and once every soul is fed, watered, clothed and housed, everything else will be looked after.

Now that is what I call getting the priorities straight. In some countries people will spend millions to care for pets while there are people without food and housing. How messed up is that! Don’t get me wrong here. I love dogs and cats have their place too. Sure a dog will a good companion and will protect you but then you must be willing to look after it. Once you cannot look after that dog anymore and it is starting to impact on your own well being it is time to get rid of it. And that is what was starting to happen to all the dogs we had. It was becoming more and more difficult to look after them all. So instead of starving half of them, it became time to reduce the numbers to a more manageable figure. And the best way to do that was to help feed people.  hungry

OK you make a valid point, but if the dogs become superfluous, surely it would be better to have them humanely put down than to suffer the traumatic experience they inevitably do prior to being killed.  Feeding the hungry people is one thing, but there is no shortage of food in Cambodia, and besides dog meat is a delicacy and commands a high price.

Many people turn their unwanted pets over to the wats, where there would seem to be an unlimited amount of food available, provided by the local citizens in the belief that their donations will provide them with a better life next time.

If only it were so easy to dispose of wives and girlfriends after they were no longer considered "cute" and became a drain on our pockets!

[Mr.Steve]

Perhaps we need a new market.

[Lourens]

Right, lets move away from the controversial subject of animals for food. Still on animals though but of a different sort this time.

Insects are common and plentiful. But mostly, they are pests. I’m thinking of flies, ants and mosquitoes here. Flies are particularly pesky if you don’t mind your general hygiene. Especially in the summertime when all the fruits are ripening and the kids are eating these in and around the house. It takes about a millisecond for flies to gather on your fruits. I tried spraying them with poison but that never works for long. They get used to the taste and a minute later, will be back for more.

I always say that the television will never replace the newspaper as a news medium. You cannot swat a fly with the television. Well, you can, but it's not good for the TV. And that is why I bought myself one of those bug zappers. It looks like a tennis racquet but the strings are made up of a wire mesh. The thing is charged with electricity and can give a human a nasty shock when touched. Now imagine what it does to a fly or a mosquito. It fries them with a reassuring ‘bizzz’. Sometimes you can even get a little smoke too. Very satisfying to say the least and hours of fun for the whole family.

I had one of those lights that attract insects at night and then zaps them as they enter the forbidden zone. But it got filled up so quickly that it was in constant power-drain mode after just half an hour. Also, one night a gecko got caught in there and that wasn’t a nice site. I gave up on using the light for humanitarian reasons after that.

Mosquito coils are another common site in Isaan. Every little shop sells it and every other house burns it. The smoke they give off is vile. Much worse than any tobacco smoke and at least twice as harmful. Insects die of the stuff! Yet, when you walk into some houses, it is all you can smell. Even in some restaurants they burn them. And they have a no smoking policy? I don't get it. Mosquito coils are fine if you burn them outside well away from any human or animal. Burn them where you think mosquitoes may congregate but please, keep them away from people. That is my opinion and a rule in our house. My wife said so.

I found a beautifully natural way of getting rid of mosquitoes. You swat them with the TV. No, seriously, you plant lemongrass. They hate the smell of lemongrass and stay clear where ever it is found. It's the citronella oil that drives them away. And now you can buy a balm or a spray that contains citronella oil. It is applied to the skin. The smell might not appeal to everyone, but it works for me. And as an added bonus, it also repels dogs and cats. I sprayed some on a screen door that always suffered under the attacks of our puppy but after a whiff of this stuff, the puppy left that door well alone.

More on my ant antics later...

[Lourens]

Ants are the woe of my existence. They seem to be everywhere. And no matter how hard I try, I cannot seem to get rid of them. The problem starts with us humans. I have a very hard time to try and convince the family to keep things clean. That way, the ants won't have a reason to enter the house. But, try as I might, there will always be some kind of food stuffs laying about. Even the smallest little bit of food will attract ants. It's a law of nature. And because ants are so small, they will find the tiniest crack to crawl through.

I went on a rampage at one stage and declared all out chemical war on the little buggers. It started with soap. I cleaned all the surfaces, washed all the dishes, scrubbed all the floors. The place was spotless. Then I took cans of bug spray, those cans with the long spout, and sprayed the inside of the house, into every little crack and crevice that I could see. Next came the chalk. It's a white stick just like the stuff my teacher used on the blackboard. You draw a line (you've got to draw the line somewhere) on any surface where an ant might wander. If an ant then crosses this line, its game over. Very effective stuff this and well worth the few Baht it costs. The inside of the house was protected, or so I thought.

On to the outside. Here I used the old fashioned spray pump with dedicated ant poison. You have to be careful with this stuff. I got a nice buzz from it and had dizzy spells from it for days after. I sprayed all around the house, in the garden where ever it looked like an ant might make his home and especially around the trash cans.

The scene was set. I could now sit back and enjoy an ant-free zone. This lasted about two days. Then the first ants started to appear again. Small in number at first and I thought they may be those that escaped the initial onslaught and will be zapped by my defenses in and around the house. “Give them rope, they'll hang themselves soon enough.” I said.

Next day, there were more of them. I had to make an inspection. Walking around the house revealed a thin line of ants crawling up one wall and entering the house via the ceiling. They will go to any lengths to get to whatever little scrap of food is available. Have you ever wondered why ants walk in those straight lines and how they do it? They walk that way because it is easy for them to follow a route to the food. How they do it is actually quite disgusting. The scouts go out to hunt for food and finds it. They eat – its been a long journey. On their way back, the food is digested and they do what every living animal do. They defecate. When they get back to the nest, the other ants follow the poo trail to the food, they eat and on their way back, they defecate. The rest of the nest have no problem following the brown brick road to the promised land of milk and honey. Try drawing a line, with your finger, across the line where ants walk. They will act all confused for a little while until a few of them pooped enough again to link the trail. Disgusting but fascinating none the less.

Anyway, it seemed I had missed a spot up in the ceiling. I did all the necessary spraying and drawing but it lasted just a few days before they were back. The bottom line of this story is – get used to them they will be around for ever. You may be able to reduce their numbers for a little while or even keep them in check, but you will never be able to get rid of them completely. Ants are not that bad really. An experiment done by some scientists found that there are actually no bacteria on ants. That’s why the Thais eat them . . .

I have tried all the potions and traps and poisons on the market but all of them are useless if you don't get rid of the root. Cleanliness, that’s the secret.

Now, was that heavy or what....?

[Mr.Steve]

Cleanliness is next to Antlessness!
Given that many locals are raised in dwellings that lack floors and other amenities it is not uncommon that they have a somewhat different approach to hygiene than a Westerner.
Ants, as Lourens so humorously pens, can be a true pain in the.........well, kitchen!
If you live in an area that grows rice you might have seen small boxes of 'crab powder'. These are not for use after a dalliance with a local that has a different approach to hygiene! The powder is added to paddy water in order to kill the small crabs that tend to eat the bottoms of the stems. The physiological make up of ants is not dissimilar to that of crabs. Crab powder mixed in water and poured around the base of the house makes a quite effective, and inexpensive, barrier to all those uninvited guests. It's not 100% effective but it works.
Cheers
Steve

[Lourens]

Thanks for that information Mr. Steve. I've seen this crab powder before but never thought it could be used as an anti-ant anitdote.

About six years ago, my wife bought a small Honda Pop for mamma to ride around with but she had difficulty getting it on and off the stand. (Never thought of fixing a kick-stand did you?) Anyway, the keys then got into the hands of youngest brother Noi and he started using it. Or rather abusing it. I was told that he sometimes loaded up to three of his friends on the thing and then go for Lao Kao parties in another village! So, the keys got taken away and the bike locked up in the house never to be used again. It got in the way and moved outside about a year later and from that time was left in wind and rain to just waste away. I picked it up one day last year with the idea to see if it will still start. After stripping some of the panels off, it looked in a pretty bad state. I asked for the keys. Four days of looking for them later, I gave up. I packed all the panels to one side and parked the bike outside again.

The other day, I was cutting the grass around the house (mowing the lawn sounds to posh for my garden) when I discovered the little scooter again. Then I thought, I have time and we do need another bike around here since our boy started riding too. And I reckoned since I watched almost an entire episode of American Chopper the other day, I should be plenty qualified to tackle this little job. So the decision was made. I will rebuild the scooter and it will be available for my exclusive use to run around the village with. I took it under the carport and had a good long hard look at it. About three beers later I was very excited about this project and wanted to get started right away. But first I had to take inventory of my tool situation. I had an axe, a pair of pliers, a brick and a hack saw. Now, strictly speaking the axe is not an automotive tool but it depends entirely on your point of view. Disassembly was going to be tricky but doable. By this time it got dark outside and time for sundowners on the back stoop.

The following morning, with a clear head and an open mind, I ambled around to the carport again and found that it all wasn’t just a dream. The scooter was still there, dead as a doornail. But luckily I remembered about the socket set and screwdrivers in the car. So out they came and work started in earnest. Stripping it down was much easier than I thought it would be and the first day ended with the engine on the floor. Day two continued with stripping and by the end only the frame and a couple of odds and ends remained. The further I stripped, the more amazed I was that it actually ran. The piston came out minus one ring and pitted like a golf ball. The combustion chamber looked the same. The sleeve however, was undamaged. Pieces of the missing ring fell out of the exhaust pipe after I cleared the carbon from it. Clearing the carbon from an old exhaust pipe is another story all together. My good friend Geoff told me how he saw it done one time from his friendly village mechanic. You pour some petrol down one side of it, stand well back and start throwing matches at it until it sort of explodes. This sounded exciting and it just had to be tried. I followed the prescribed method exactly with the only difference that I left the pipe out in the sun for a while thinking that the evaporation effect will create a bigger boom for my bucks’ worth of petrol. Unfortunately I spent that on flicking matches at it. But the rule of averages dictates that one match will find its mark. And it did with spectacular results. Flames shooting out at both ends with a satisfying whoosh and a pall of black smoke later only left a few taps with the back end of my axe (see?) and a virtual mole heap of carbon was dislodged from its well established abode.

There were only a few things I had trouble with like getting the back wheel off. It was rusted in place. And removing the dynamo. For these little obstacles, I went to see my local automotive engineer. Well actually he’s just my friendly local village mechanic. I call him Mr. Fixit. He can make a plan with everything using anything at his disposal. He had a wheel puller once but it must have been used as something else at one stage of its life. It now resembles a modern art collection of scrap metal and bolts but would you know it? It still works. He had those troublesome bits off in less than a week. And it only cost me 20 Baht. No, really – it only took him about 15 minutes but he should sell tickets to watch him work. It’s amazing how he can make a plan. But when I took the engine back to him for a second time to open the crank case, I could see a little look of doubt in his eyes. Not that he couldn’t do it. I think he was beginning to question my abilities. Anyway, he opened the crank case and packed all the bits and bolts in a plastic bag for me to take home.

Back in my workshop (carport) I started cleaning everything from rust, oil and petrified cow dung. This kept me busy for several days but with the help of my brick (see?) petrified cow dung stand no chance at all. Ok, so I also used a brass brush and my chemistry background to clean aluminium castings. That’s where the toilet cleaner came in. Did I mention the toilet cleaner? Use your imagination but don’t tell my wife. Oh, and every bit got a new coat of paint as well.

My wife had serious doubts that the farang will ever be able to put this thing back together again and make it work. I needed a complete set of new gaskets and oil seals but there was no way that I would go out and buy them myself. If you lived in Thailand long enough, you just know you will pay double for anything of this nature. So after taking about a day to explain to my wife what I needed and eventually calling in the help of Mr. Fixit, she understood what it was that I needed. And she wanted money to pay for all this stuff. Lots of money. I told her that a set of gaskets will be worth peanuts and a new piston and rings only slightly more expensive. She left with about 2000 Baht with a worried look on her face. About an hour later she returned with a big smile. 450 Baht was all it took to get the necessary spare parts which included a new petrol filter. I said: “See? I told you so. Now where’s my change?” Wife: “There is no change.” Ah well. I could have gone and bought the stuff myself.

I had a good look at all the ports in the cylinder sleeve and saw some pretty rough edges in there. This is where I thought my Dremel Rotary tool might come in handy. So out it came and I did my best work smoothing all the rough edges and polishing the ports. Even the pitted combustion chamber got a once over and looked like new when I finished. Now came the job of putting it all back together again and again those amused looks from my audience. Did I mention I had an audience? There were a couple of the village youngsters who came around regularly to see the progress. I got plenty of “Tam aria?” which I later found out meant “What are you doing?” and heard “Bah farang” quite often too. But I am happy to report that it all went very smoothly. I put the engine back together in only one morning and had it mounted back in frame by lunch time. This was exciting stuff. I redid the wiring harness earlier by removing all the old insulation tape, patching the exposed wires and covering the whole thing again in new tape. It looked the business and even Mr. Fixit was impressed when he saw it later. “Keng, keng” was his exact words. (Come now you cynic type persons – it actually means “Good job”. I looked it up.) The cables were oiled and hoses for the carburettor and oil pump cleaned and installed. Even the electric starter was refurbished. All that was left was to turn the ignition key and press the starter button. “Honey, where’s the key for the little motorbike?” No key. So, off with the ignition switch, down to the locksmiths and have two new keys cut. An hour later it was time for the truth. Will it start? Read all about it in the next exciting episode of this blog.

No, I won’t keep you on a cliff-hanger like that. I turned the engine over a few times using the kick start just to see if it will actually turn over and not make any funny noises. It didn’t. Make funny noises, that is. Then I pushed the starter button and, I’m not making this up, it started right away. At first I thought: “What the blazes is THAT noise?” Then I realized it was actually running. AND THERE WAS NOBODY THERE TO SEE THIS!! So I turned it off and had a beer.

The only problems that I had was that the new back tire is a wee bit bigger than before and now I can’t attach the original air filter box. But I made my own and it works fine. The only other problem is that I am left with a very strange looking o-ring and a very substantial looking spring and I have no idea where they go. But, like I always say, if it runs without these parts, they were never necessary in the first place and it was just over-engineered to begin with. I use the scooter every day now to run the kid to school and go to the shop when needed. I still haven’t fitted a kick-stand and I don’t want to because then almost anybody can ride it. I do get big smiles around the village these days and then I think to myself: “That will show them. Bah farang my a*se.”