Author Topic: The Biggest Jokes thread!!!WOW (Read 78302 times)

Admin · « **on:** September 01, 2008, 08:19:42 PM »

As a senior member asked me to do..

So I've decided to make it an all round fun group. So anything from puzzles to jokes to plain ole fun.

Let's have a good time.

TBWG · « **Reply #1 on:** September 01, 2008, 10:49:33 PM »

Why no Jokes,Silly Stories or Games section? Im sure TWBG can fill a page or three. Obviously it would have to remain fairly clean but some of these can be 'never ending' threads ?

Dave

Well I have to rise to that bait after such a glowing recommendation, but I'll give it a go despite the fact I don't have an original thought of my own and have to plagiarize other peoples material.

What the hell I'll try anything once, huh, thinking about it maybe that's not absolutely true I would definitely not do morris dancing and incest is a no no as well.

Must be others but can't think of any at the moment.

What is it that you wont do.. apart from posting on BE forum that is!

TBWG

TBWG · « **Reply #2 on:** September 02, 2008, 03:58:27 PM »

Hi all

Well it doesn't look like anyone else is going to start this off ... so it's up to moi!

What does a man with a foot long penis have for breakfast? Well actually it was a bacon butty!

TBWG

TBWG · « **Reply #3 on:** September 02, 2008, 11:18:30 PM »

Come on what about posting something!

Doctor: I have some bad news and some very bad news.

Patient: Well, might as well give me the bad news first.

Doctor: The lab called with your test results. They said you have 24 hours to live.

Patient: 24 hours! That's terrible! What could be worse? What's the very bad news?

Doctor: I've been trying to reach you since yesterday.

TBWG

Admin · « **Reply #4 on:** September 03, 2008, 11:21:43 AM »

Bragging about old times

Two men were boasting to each other about their old army days.

"Why, my outfit was so well drilled," declared one, "that when they presented arms all you could hear was slap, slap, click."

"Very good," conceded the other, "but when my company presented arms you'd just hear slap, slap, jingle."

"What was the jingle?" asked the first. "Oh," replied the other offhand, "just our medals."

TBWG · « **Reply #5 on:** September 04, 2008, 03:40:31 AM »

Well it doesn't look as if any other b****r is going to post anything so I will roll out an old one.

This gag managed to get Max Wall banned for life from appearing on BBC and at the time was deemed in extreme bad taste.

It goes something like this... An attractive young lady was walking down an extremely narrow mountain path when she came across a young man coming in the opposite direction. The path was not wide enough for both of them to pass so the young man could not decide whether to block her passage or toss himself off!

Very risquÃ© in those days.

Now will one of you miserable buggers post a joke or at least join in the song title game!

TBWG

swimming pizza · « **Reply #6 on:** September 04, 2008, 10:52:15 AM »

ok ok .here is a joke.

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Lourens · « **Reply #7 on:** September 05, 2008, 11:21:15 AM »

Fine: Here are four of the funniest ever Chinese jokes.

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Admin · « **Reply #8 on:** September 05, 2008, 01:57:42 PM »

jumping3 now that was funny..

here is a nice one..

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TBWG · « **Reply #9 on:** September 05, 2008, 11:11:54 PM »

Quote from: Lourens on September 05, 2008, 11:21:15 AM

Fine: Here are four of the funniest ever Chinese jokes.

Like it joke no 3 is hilarious almost peed myself laughing

TBWG

TBWG · « **Reply #10 on:** September 05, 2008, 11:57:03 PM »

If the current UK schools secretary's sister accompanied the current UK chancellor of the exchequer to an official function, would the introduction go something like this.... A big hand for Ophelia Balls, Alistair Darling!

TBWG

TBWG · « **Reply #11 on:** September 21, 2008, 07:39:34 PM »

Quote from: TBWG on September 05, 2008, 11:57:03 PM

If the current UK schools secretary's sister accompanied the current UK chancellor of the exchequer to an official function, would the introduction go something like this.... A big hand for Ophelia Balls, Alistair Darling!

TBWG

Well I thought that was fairly good seeing as I thought it up myself, but not a single post or comment from anyone .. sometimes I think I'm pissing into the wind with you miserable buggers!

Anyway I won't give up just yet! So here's another.

Lady said, .. "I's so painful I'd prefer to get pregnant than having my cavity filled". Dentist replied," make a quick decision so I can adjust chair accordingly'.

TBWG

Lourens · « **Reply #12 on:** September 24, 2008, 04:50:27 PM »

I don't wish to offend. If you take offense, I appologise humbly.

Mental Health Outsourcing

I was depressed last night, so I called Lifeline;
I got a call center in Islamabad , Pakistan. I told them I was suicidal.
They got all excited and asked if I could drive a truck.

TBWG · « **Reply #13 on:** September 28, 2008, 12:53:48 AM »

Quote from: Lourens on September 24, 2008, 04:50:27 PM

I don't wish to offend. If you take offense, I appologise humbly.

Mental Health Outsourcing

I was depressed last night, so I called Lifeline;
I got a call center in Islamabad , Pakistan. I told them I was suicidal.
They got all excited and asked if I could drive a truck.

Like it Chris ...

I see you are now an endangered species i.e. a full member

TBWG

Admin · « **Reply #14 on:** October 17, 2008, 10:40:31 AM »

Free drinks for everyone
One night, a drunk comes stumbling into a bar and says to the bartender: "Drinks for all on me including you, bartender." So the bartender follows the mans orders and says: "That will be $36.50 please." The drunk says he has no money so the bartender slaps him around and throws him out.

The next night the same drunk comes in again and orders a drink for everyone in the bar including the bartender. Again the bartender follows instructions and again the drunk says he has no money. So the bartender slaps him around and throws him out.

On the third night he comes in, the drunk orders drinks for all except the bartender. "What, no drink for me?" replies the bartender. "Oh, no. You get violent when you drink."

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