Jokes

[Tassie]

Dishonarable, a Discharge

Regards

[jivvy]

Not so little Red Riding Hood

[Smithy]

For his birthday, little Dave asked for a 10 speed bicycle.
His father said, 'Son, we'd give you one, but the mortgage on this house is ?280,000 and your mother just lost her job.
There's no way we can afford it.'
The next day the father saw little Dave heading out the front door with a suitcase.
So he asked, 'Son, where are you going?'
Little Dave told him, 'I was walking past your room last night and heard you telling mum you were pulling out.
Then I heard her tell you to wait because she was coming too.
And I'll be damned if I'm staying here by myself with a ?280,000 mortgage and no fecking bike

 

[Smithy]

An 85-year-old man was requested by his doctor for a sperm count as part of his physical exam.
The doctor gave the man a jar and said, ?Take this jar home and bring back a semen sample tomorrow.?

The next day the 85-year-old man reappeared at the doctor?s office and gave him the jar, which was as clean and empty as on the previous day.

The doctor asked what happened and the man explained, ?Well, doc, it?s like this?first I tried with my right hand, but nothing. Then I tried with my left hand, but still nothing.

?Then I asked my wife for help. She tried with her right hand, then with her left, still nothing. She tried with her mouth, first with the teeth in, then with her teeth out, still nothing.

?We even called up Arleen, the lady next door and she tried too, first with both hands, then an armpit, and she even tried squeezin? it between her knees, but still nothing.?

The doctor was shocked! ?You asked your neighbor??

The old man replied, ?Yep, none of us could get the jar open.?

 

[Tassie]

Bogan Hunters Australia
Regards   

[Tassie]

Housos
Regards

[Tassie]

Fat Pizza S05E02 - Law & Order Pizza
Regards

[jivvy]

A male whale and a female whale were swimming off the coast of Japan when they noticed a whaling ship. The male whale recognized it as the same ship that had harpooned his father many years earlier.

He said to the female whale, "Let's both swim under the ship and blow out of our air holes at the same time and it should cause the ship to turn over and sink."

They tried it and, sure enough, the ship turned over and quickly sank.

Soon, however, the whales realized the sailors had jumped overboard and were swimming to the safety of shore.

The male was enraged that they were going to get away and told the female, "Let's swim after them and gobble them up before they reach the shore."

At this point, he realized the female was becoming reluctant to follow him.

"Look," she said, "I went along with the blow job, but I absolutely refuse to swallow the seamen."

[Tassie]

George and Mildred             
?Your money or your life?
youtube.com/watch?v=TKz_dwlkg8A
Regards

[jivvy]

Hi Tassie, I hope you don't mind, the link did not work but this one does....Jivvy

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TKz_dwlkg8A

[Tassie]

Thanks jivvy.
Regards

[Tassie]

South Park
Regards

[Tassie]

Some Mothers do have em
Regards
www.dailymotion.com/video/x5at363

[Tassie]

Housos Birthday
Regards

[Smithy]