Author Topic: A Naive Expat in Thailand (Read 138006 times)

Vombatus · « **Reply #180 on:** October 26, 2011, 07:20:04 PM »

Did they charge extra for the Mystery Tour ?

TBWG · « **Reply #181 on:** December 16, 2011, 09:15:05 PM »

Let there be light.

Farang arrive in big silver bird and bring light in bottle!

It would be nice to come back after my 4-5 month absence and find that I do not need to spend a couple of hours going round and replacing all the light bulbs which have blown whilst I was away.

It's not a matter of money because I allways leave a supply of bulbs readily to hand.

I often wonder what would happen if all the bulbs blew would they flounder around in the dark until I return?

No, silly me, what was I thinking they still have all the candles for the Buddha ceremonies to fall back on!

TBWG

areeya · « **Reply #182 on:** December 31, 2011, 08:03:01 PM »

party9HAPPY NEW YEAR ALL PEOPLE AT THE FORUM FROM COLD SWEDEN!

Frank, Jan Jenifer

[attachment deleted by admin]

TBWG · « **Reply #183 on:** December 31, 2011, 10:30:19 PM »

Sawadee Phi Mai

areeya · « **Reply #184 on:** January 02, 2012, 10:04:18 PM »

spot1I miss my house...and Buriram!+

Frank

TBWG · « **Reply #185 on:** February 26, 2012, 08:25:15 PM »

Pussy mutilation!

What is it with the cats in this country they can’t have all had their
tails shut in the door!

Is it Thai custom to dock the tails?, some look as though somebody has
tried to tie a knot in it, I used to think it was a duff gene, (just like
Thai soi dogs all seem to have come from a small gene pool) but now I suspect it is
just ignorance and the owners mutilate them at birth just because it’s what
they have always done!

Anyone have any ideas sensible or otherwise?

TBWG

bazzathai · « **Reply #186 on:** March 02, 2012, 02:38:44 PM »

In all the years I have been coming to Thailand I have only ever seen one Siamese cat. That was in Bangkok many years ago. Siamese cats have a genetic trait which leaves the end of the tail with a distinctive 'kink'. Why the locals should dock their kittens tails I've no idea. Perhaps it's a good luck thing.

davu · « **Reply #187 on:** March 02, 2012, 04:03:23 PM »

Cats: even unapproachable, more or less wild cats have this trait generally. I think it is genetic.

PrakhonchaiExpatServices · « **Reply #188 on:** March 02, 2012, 04:08:41 PM »

Three-legged dogs.

That's another thing.

I have never seen so many as I have seen in Thailand. I think I understand why - the buggers never move when they are sleeping in the sois so there will be the inevitable accident.

davu · « **Reply #189 on:** March 02, 2012, 06:00:28 PM »

I never saw so many repulsive fatties in my life as I see on Sukhumvit either, come to that.
present company excepted of course

TBWG · « **Reply #190 on:** March 03, 2012, 09:43:33 PM »

Hi Bums

That's let the cat out the bag!

Whilst discussing the cats tail issue (sad I know) with a buddy he remebered an amusing cat issue from many years back. With my warped sense of humour I found it amusing and repeat it here ~~~~~

At the time i.e mid seventies

the individual in question happened to be living with his girlfriend who was a cat lover and also a nylon stocking wearing nurse. Stockings were standard nurse equipment apparently!

Now he being inclined to partake of dubious substances had the great idea of putting the cat in one of her stockings. To his great amusement the cat now looking like a cross between a giant sausage and a bank robber spent the rest of the afternoon squirming around on the floor whilst he tripped out and forgot all about it!

However, on returning from work the cat loving owner was mortified to see what had happened the her pussy, which had pissed all over the floor in fright.

Needless to say the relationship finished soon after.

Hmmm maybe he had produced the first cat burglar?

TBWG

TBWG · « **Reply #191 on:** May 14, 2012, 09:18:58 PM »

Another lesson learnt the hard way!

The Boss lady and stepson are off to Maha Sarakam to register him at the University and do all the necessary paperwork and find accommodation etc.

This means I will be home alone for a few days and the boss lady is afraid a farang on his own will not be able to cope. I assure her that all will be OK and nothing can possibly go wrong.

Well within minutes of their departure the ants have managed to fuse all the outside lights and I have bunged up the loo with potato peelings! (don’t ask).

To cap it all the water cooler bottle has run dry, not a problem as we have spares. I should mention that replacing these bottles is the responsibility of said stepson who is now en route to Maha Sarakam, again not a problem as any idiot can replace a water bottle.

So I grab a bottle that is all on its lonesome and am surprised just how heavy it is, so decide to unplug the cooler as a safety measure, health & safety you see.

Well its a bit of luck I did as when I get the bottle waist high and invert it the bloody thing shatters and deposits 10 liters of H2O all over the cooler me and the floor!

Now that is an awful lot of water plus 6-7 years of accumulated crap and dead insects that have been flushed out onto the floor. Resulting in an hour or so's work cleaning up, but a least we have a nice clean floor now.

It transpires that the bottle was languishing all on its own because everybody can tell a bottle that has been in the sun to long and is brittle and is waiting to disintegrate Everybody that is apart from this retarded farang!

TBWG

TBWG · « **Reply #192 on:** June 20, 2012, 12:42:49 AM »

How you gunna keep em down on the farm.

Well the sap is rising in the ol rubber trees so it is time to get back on the farm and reap the rewards of 7 years hard work nursing them.

The latex did start flowing last season so the family have bought a new diddy Suzuki pick up to run dad to and from the farm cos at 89 he is now too old to get on a motorsai.

Trouble is the new motor is manual and the boss lady can only drive an auto, so would I mind driving it up to the farm.

No problem ~~~ just tell me when you are ready to go, I have given up trying to get them doing anything at a certain time.

Well the Suzuki is packed with all sorts of clobber for the extended stay , rice cookers, bedding, crockery and cooking utensils as well as clothing, food etc, etc. Dad is sitting in the back along with 3 dogs on pieces of string and with the boss lady.

So off we go, well these suzuki’s are made for thai’s so I find that I am looking at the sun visor and not out of the windscreen, still if I slouch down I can just about see out. Not a bad vehicle, 5 speed and also has a CD player.

Anyway, I am instructed to stop at the local shop so they can stock up with half dozen of those big 10 litre bottles of water. That done we are on our way to the farm which is about 14kms away.

Some of the way is on excellent tarmac road, whereas some parts of it is pockmarked like a war zone with great big potholes. I am impressed with said motor and we are nipping along when all of a sudden we hit a big pothole, this has the natives is the back shouting orders to me in thai which I assume means slow down you asshole!

Well we reach the turnoff for the farm there's another kilometer down a dirt track and we finally arrive, now the fun starts.

Looks like everyone in the back has pissed themselves, but no that's the result of a couple of the 10 litre water bottles shattering when I hit the potholes, has dad been sick no, one of the dogs has vomited over him! Not too bad, looks mostly rice, but rather him than me. He then lets the dogs off the string, they immediately jump out grab the nearest chickens and disappear off in different directions leaving the boss lady with a dilemma as to which one to chase first.

Well half an hour later the boss lady reappears with rescued chickens and is too exhausted to give me a bo**ocking re the shattered bottles.

In the meantime the truck has been emptied of saturated clothing and washed out courtesy of the spilled water and I am enjoying a well earned beer and contemplating my run of bad luck with those waterbottles!

TBWG

Makman · « **Reply #193 on:** June 20, 2012, 01:05:11 PM »

Quote from: PrakhonchaiExpatServices on March 02, 2012, 04:08:41 PM

Three-legged dogs.

That's another thing.

In Soi 6 they call these Lady-Boys

Nice anecdote's TBWG

John the Traveller · « **Reply #194 on:** June 20, 2012, 08:09:46 PM »

Did you see any Routemaster buses in the bottom of those holes TBWG ?

I'm sure I saw at least one in a pothole when I was there last.

Cheers, John

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