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Happy Endings Golf Society
Competition Results – 10/02/2011
1st Roger “I got this shirt in Pattaya†Ribbins
2nd = Brian “Speedy Gonzales†White
2nd = Frank “The slim good looking one†Barber
4th “Dangerous†Dave Sabino
To save everyone's blushes, actual scores will not be posted here but suffice to say that each player has a handicap reduction next week.
Despite being unable to repeat Tuesday's spectacular birdie on the first, Roger produced enough pars to make sure of the win.
Special mention should be made of the wonderful par made by Dangerous Dave on the third. He has only played six or seven times and once he can concentrate on golf rather than getting phone numbers from the Caddies, he really will be dangerous.
Our Captain, Alan “Mr. Angry†Ravenscroft and Chairman, Hywel “The Duke of Llanberis†Williams again failed to make an appearance and both are in danger of having their hello kitty bag tags withdrawn.
All members are reminded that the following rule for seniors now applies :-
Rule 1.a.5 A ball sliced or hooked into the rough shall be lifted and placed on the Fairway at a point equal to the distance it carried or rolled into the Rough with no penalty. The senior should not be penalized for tall grass which ground keepers failed to mow.
Signed
Hon Sec Happy Endings Golf Society
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Where do you play golf? When do you have the next turnir game?
Any joiner fee to your club? party12
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How do you qualify as a senior (and therefore eligible for Rule 1.a.5 ?
secondary question does the rule also apply to blocks, pulls and any type of shot ? (Not everyone can manufacture a hook or a slice - I am actually one of the fortunate ones who CAN achieve either).
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We play 08.00 Tuesdays and Thursdays at Khao Kadong (Buriram Army Course)
No joining fee for the Society but a sense of humour is a must.
Serious golfers usually join us once and are rarely seen again.
Joining fee for Khao Kadong is I think 1800 Baht but no pressure to join, just pay and play.
You are not sure if you qualify as a Senior.......
This is a classic indicator along with creaking joints and an expanding waistline.
If still not sure ask your nurse or carer.
As well as rule Rule 1.a.5 previously mentioned, below are further additional rules for seniors
Rule 2.d.6 (B) A ball hitting a tree shall be deemed not to have hit the tree. This is Simply bad luck and luck has no place in a scientific game. The senior Player must estimate the distance the ball would have traveled if it had Not hit the tree and play the ball from there.
Rule 3.B.3(G) There shall be no such thing as a lost ball. The missing ball is on or Near the course and will eventually be found and pocketed by someone Else, making it a stolen ball. The player is not to compound the felony by Charging himself or herself with a penalty.
Rule 4.c.7(h) If a putt passes over a hole without dropping, it is deemed to have Dropped. The law of gravity supersedes the Rules of Golf.
Rule 5. Putts that stop close enough to the cup that they could be blown in, may Be blown in. This does not apply to balls more than three inches from the Hole. No one wants to make a travesty of the game.
Rule 6.a.9(k) There is no penalty for so-called "out of bounds." If penny-pinching golf Course owners bought sufficient land, this would not occur. The senior Golfer deserves an apology, not a penalty.
Rule 7..G.15(z) There is no penalty for a ball in a water hazard, as golf balls should Float. Senior golfers should not be penalized for manufacturers' Shortcomings.
Rule 8.k.9( S) Advertisements claim that golf scores can be improved by purchasing new Golf equipment. Since this is financially impractical for many senior Golfers, one-half stroke per hole may be subtracted for using old Equipment.
Signed
Hon Sec Happy Endings Golf Society
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I think I love this golf society :)
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PICTURES PLEASE!
party6
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As a non golfer, I have always thought the 'Happy Endings Golf Society' met in one of the bars in Baan Chang, Chonburi ?
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Happy Endings Golf Society 17/02/2011
Combined Tuesday and Thursday results are
5th His Grace “the Duke of Llanberisâ€
4th “Dangerous†Dave
3rd “Speedy Gonzalesâ€
2nd “Shirt†Ribbins
1st “The slim good looking oneâ€
The longest drive was won by Roger's guest Daisy who had driven all the way from Pattaya...
Nearest the Pin was not won this week so will roll over, although consideration is being given to changing this to nearest the fairway...
“Dangerous†Dave was awarded the Davy Crockett memorial hat, for most time in the woods...
“Speedy Gonzales†won the Titanic medal for his tremendous tee shot on the 6th which looked destined for the centre of the green, when it struck the dead tree top dead centre and disappeared into the rockery...
The Desert Rat medal and clasp was won by “the Shirt†for his extensive periods in the sand...
Man of the Match was his Grace the Duke of Llanberis, for battling on in difficult circumstances (no alcohol the previous evening) and for being such an absolutely bloody nice bloke...
Committee Ruling
“Dangerous†Dave's request for a free shot when he snapped his three iron upon hitting a tree on the third hole has been disallowed.
His claim that this was caused by terrorist activity has been fully investigated.
The committee ruled that the tree is an integral part of the course and there is no evidence to suggest that the IRA planted it.
Notes
Members are reminded that the golf and soapy massage trip to Korat is on Thursday 24th.
To ensure we present ourselves in a professional manner it is recommended that you re read the following chapters in the society handbook
Chapter 1 - How to Properly Line Up Your Fourth Putt
Chapter 2 - How to Hit a Maxfli from the Rough When You Just Hit a Titleist from the Tee
Chapter 3 - How to Avoid the Water When You Lie 8 in a Bunker
Chapter 9 - How to Find That Ball That Everyone Else Saw Go in the Water
Chapter 10- How to Relax When You Are Hitting Three off the Tee
Signed
Hon Sec Happy Endings Golf Society
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HEGS – 22/02/2011
Results
1st Brian – Speedy Gonzales - White
2nd Roger – The Shirt – Ribbins
3rd Frank – The slim good looking one – Barber
4th Dangerous Dave Sabino
5th Hywel – The Duke of Llanberis - Williams
A superb effort by Brian who's swing speed was reduced to a mere blur.
Today's game was in preparation for the upcoming “Classic in Koratâ€.
Members seemed to be determined to achieve an increase in their handicaps in an attempt to capture the ultimate accolade of “Champion Golferâ€.
Such underhand tactics are to be applauded; it is most gratifying to see members upholding the finest traditions of the society.
Special mention should be made of His Grace's superb Ant dance on the 8th which was a big talking point among the caddies and seemed worthy of an appearance in “Speed†on Saturday night; although he probably would not be allowed to wave his 5 iron quite so frantically.
24/02/2011 – The Big One -
Attending members made it to Rook's at Korat in time to check in to a house in the grounds of the complex on Wednesday evening. The accommodation was fine apart from a non functioning shower plus an unfortunate incident with some curtains.
After fish and chips in the George & Dragon in town, we found ourselves - quite by accident - in “Ginza†which offered soapy massage and gentlemen's entertainment. Maybe it was the late hour, but most of the expected 150 lovelies were absent.
Disappointed, but confident in Dangerous Dave's lady finding abilities, we followed him to a nearby Karaoke..........
After breakfast in the Clubhouse we collected our lovely (for the most part) caddies and off we went around a really nice course.
Results
4th Dangerous Dave Sabino
3rd Speedy Gonzales Brian White
2nd The Shirt Roger Ribbins
1st The slim good looking one Frank Barber
The much maligned handicapping system was proven to be accurate as there was just one point between 1st and 2nd .
I've very few humorous incidents to report as I was almost totally occupied with watching the beautiful rear end of On, my caddie. The disappointment from the previous evening was having an effect on my concentration.
One sour note on an otherwise successful competition, our Captain and Chairman both failed to provide the Treasurer with funds to cover members food, beverage and entertainment as is the long held tradition of the Society.
Members have been watching the news and there have been murmurings of a demonstration a la Libya or Bahrain to oust our own cheapskate despots.
Signed
Hon Sec and Champion Golfer Happy Endings Golf Society
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Excellent report Frank and well done on your achievement. Some careful handicap management obviously took place over the last few months !
The only inconsistency in the report seems to be "the expected 150 lovelies...." in a place that you only found "quite by accident" !!!
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well spotted Ray but we actually were looking for the "Babylon".......
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Happy Endings Golf Society
Competition Results – 01/03/2011
1st Brian “Speedy Gonzales†White
2nd Frank “The slim good looking one†Barber
3rd Roger “I got this shirt in Pattaya†Ribbins
4th “Dangerous†Dave Sabino
Wow; a very tight match with just two points between 1st and 3rd Well done to Speedy Gonzales.
It seems that Brian far prefers his golf at home in Khao Kradong to the greenery of Korat.
His spectacular tee shot on the fifth was a joy to watch.
Those expecting the ball to hit the tree or end in the sand were sadly disappointed as it flew majestically on to the green.
Others were surprised when his first putt finished so close to the hole. But everyone joined in the applause when he sank the second.
Dangerous Dave seemed out of sorts which probably was due to the caddy he had, who was not the prettiest we've seen.
Notices
An emergency AGM has been called for 03/03/2011 after the game, to discuss the lack of performance by both our Captain and Chairman. Nominees for these probably vacant positions should complete an application form and submit it with the appropriate donation.
Golf Tips
Golfers often find that fairway bunkers cause major problems in a round.
One of our senior members offers the following, known as the Ribbins Rescue Technique which may help in this difficult area.
See attached image.
However, great care should be taken not to touch the sand when effecting this technique as this would contravene the rules of golf and incur a penalty stroke!
Signed
Hon Sec and Champion Golfer HEGS
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Is that a bunker or the surface of the moon ?
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Ray, thank you for your enquiry, it is nice that you take such an interest and good that you want to improve your game.
The picture is of course in a bunker.
Had it been on the moon, with the lack of atmosphere and low gravity the trajectory of the ball would have been such that the bunkers would not be in play.
The formula is of course (x2 plus 3gr-yclub/17.5nm) unless you are playing on the dark side and using luminous balls.
Talking of which has your infection cleared up yet?
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Talking of luminous balls Joe....Many years ago I used to play Golf on a Sunday with 3 friends,sometimes our Tee off time was so early we had to play the first few holes in the dark.One Sunday morning I Teed off with my luminous ball and hit a lovely drive down the centre of the fairway .As we walked up the fairway I noticed my ball was moving uphill towards the 18 th fairway :ohmy:. A dog had picked up my ball and was running away with it runningdog.Not sure what the rule book would say I just took out a new luminous ball and played from roughly the same spot where the dog had picked up my ball ,the dog disappeared though a hole in the fence never to be seen again . :(
So Joe does the Happy Endings Golf Society have special rules if an old dog grabs your balls on the fairway ???
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Happy Endings Golf Society
Competition Results – 03/03/2011
1st Roger “I got this shirt in Pattaya†Ribbins
2nd Frank “The slim good looking one†Barber
3rd Brian “Speedy Gonzales†White
4th “Dangerous†Dave Sabino
Equal points for first and second but won on a countback by “the shirt†– his superb par on the 8th was the clincher.
Shot of the day was by yours truly on the 5th hole.
After an unlucky tee shot into the woods left, I was miffed after a penalty shot, to see my third heading into the woods right. Luckily I had a free drop for rocks and put my fourth into the centre of the fairway with the hole at now at my mercy.
Out came my trusty five wood and summoning all my strength and experience, I struck a tremendous blow and sent the ball high and straight. Unfortunately a tree intervened and the ball sailed happily back almost to my feet.
Certain members and caddies giggled at this juncture, although our trusty Treasurer managed to keep a straight face and offered his condolences plus the loan of a chain saw later......
AGM
An emergency meeting was held after the game in the sports section of the Bamboo.
Neither offender attended, which did not bode well for their fate.
However, pleas in mitigation were heard :-
First on behalf of the Captain, who it seems is involved in some building works at his residence. The prosecution pointed out that such matters should never take precedence over golf but the defence countered with the suggestion that part of the work is the construction of a luxurious new “club room†for the exclusive use of members.
Representative of the Chairman said in mitigation that his client :-
a) The Duke is a well know “Bon Viveur†(french for drunk) who often has problems getting out of bed in the morning. The Duchess was called as a witness and she confirmed that he regularly has problems getting up.
and
b) His Grace misunderstood the duties of a Chairman – he thought he was responsible only for seating.
A secret ballot was held and votes cast were as follows:-
Defrocking for both 14 votes
Accept mitigation 16 votes
Spoiled papers 8 votes (most contained telephone numbers???)
The decision of the AGM is to allow both Officers to retain their positions within the society with a recommendation that Dangerous Dave keeps his phone numbers on a Sim Card in future.
Ladies Golf
Several members have enquired if ladies are welcomed at society matches.
Of course they are welcome anytime, subject to certain conditions and suitable attire – see attached.
Signed
Hon Sec etc......
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Talking of luminous balls Joe....Many years ago I used to play Golf on a Sunday with 3 friends,sometimes our Tee off time was so early we had to play the first few holes in the dark.One Sunday morning I Teed off with my luminous ball and hit a lovely drive down the centre of the fairway .As we walked up the fairway I noticed my ball was moving uphill towards the 18 th fairway :ohmy:. A dog had picked up my ball and was running away with it runningdog.Not sure what the rule book would say I just took out a new luminous ball and played from roughly the same spot where the dog had picked up my ball ,the dog disappeared though a hole in the fence never to be seen again . :(
So Joe does the Happy Endings Golf Society have special rules if an old dog grabs your balls on the fairway ???
Thanks for that Al - you tell a good tale bravo1 - do you fancy joining us and taking over this job?
It gets harder each week to come up with stuff.
As far as old dogs grabbing our balls - it doesn't happen at Buriram, most caddies here are beauties.
Over in Surin there are a few ruff types though.
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Thanks for that Al - you tell a good tale bravo1 - do you fancy joining us and taking over this job?
It gets harder each week to come up with stuff.
As far as old dogs grabbing our balls - it doesn't happen at Buriram, most caddies here are beauties.
Over in Surin there are a few ruff types though.
Cheers for the offer Joe but your doing a great job ,plus I don't play golf any more........here's the story :(
I was on the first tee at Surin Golf Club and was about to drive when I was approached by the most beautiful female Thai golfer ever.
May I join you for a round of golf she asks ???
"Certainly" I reply. I sends a cracker 270 yards up the middle - nice drive says the gorgeous Thai lady and walks to the ladies tee and sends a ball 40 yards past my ball :ohmy:
At this she asks "fancy making it a little more fun with a little money on each hole " ??? "OK" I said smilenod
At the end of the round I was down 900 baht and desperate to get a chance of winning some money back I asks her for a re-match . "OK" she says "how about tomorrom"..."Fine " I said
Tomorrow came and again I went down 900 baht. :(
In the clubhouse she felt guilty about taking so much money off me and she suggested that she could ease his pain with some sexual pleasure indicating that she would give me a BJ thumbup
WOW I thought what a beautiful woman and agreed.
This went on all week - I loosing money and then getting sexual pleasure afterwards.
On the Friday I said to her ' this has been so good I have booked a hotel room for us for the weekend and a fabulous Restaurant for us to eat.
She then leant gently towards me and said " I should have told you earlier I am in the middle of a sex change operation and I have not had the main operation done , so I am afraid I cannot take up your offer"
I was totally aghast and angered at the thought that she had lied and cheated me and demanded my money back saying .......
YOU PLAYED OFF THE LADIES TEES!!!!!! steamingMad steamingMad
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Over in Surin there are a few ruff types though
Sounds like Dimple Joe was right about the caddies at Surin Golf Club. smilenod
Must be why it's popular with some of the Surin Expats :laugh:
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HEGS – 08/03/2011
Bloody marvellous; again all my skill and dedication comes to nothing, beaten on a countback once more - memo to self – must try harder on the 8th and 9th.
But even if I do, some cnut with a handicap like a telephone number will beat me to the win.
Life really isn't fair, bar stewards the lot of them, nice bloke like me deserves better, I feel like slashing my wrists.....
Anyway, you're not reading this to hear about my problems, you're here anxious to discover who won on Tuesday.
Results
1st Brian – Speedy Gonzales – White
2nd Frank – The slim good looking one – Barber
3rd Roger – The Shirt – Ribbins
4th Dangerous Dave Sabino
Congratulations go to Speedy Gonzales - well done Brian ! (twat)
Brian is also in the lead in the “Race to Surin†competition, followed closely by me, Roger and Dangerous.
Like the “Race to Dubai†winnings are converted into points, Brian has the fabulous sum of 29 Satang already !! Impressive or what?
Signed
Hon Sec (depressed, sad and glum)
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Cheer up Joe,just remember....
Golf is a game in which you yell "fore," shoot six, and write down five. ::)
Golf and sex are the only things you can enjoy without being good at them. mhihi
I have a tip that can take five strokes off your golf game: it's called an eraser. :laugh:
Golf is not just an exercise; it's an adventure, a romance... a Shakespeare play in which disaster and comedy are intertwined smilenod
Play for fun Joe,take off the pressure of trying to win and your handicap will drop . :biggrin:
When I played ,my problem was standing to close to the ball.......after I hit it :laugh:
Sorry Joe ,the old ones are the old ones redman
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HEGS – 08/03/2011
Bloody marvellous; again all my skill and dedication comes to nothing, beaten on a countback once more - memo to self – must try harder on the 8th and 9th.
But even if I do, some cnut with a handicap like a telephone number will beat me to the win.
Life really isn't fair, bar stewards the lot of them, nice bloke like me deserves better, I feel like slashing my wrists.....
Anyway, you're not reading this to hear about my problems, you're here anxious to discover who won on Tuesday.
Results
1st Brian – Speedy Gonzales – White
2nd Frank – The slim good looking one – Barber
3rd Roger – The Shirt – Ribbins
4th Dangerous Dave Sabino
Congratulations go to Speedy Gonzales - well done Brian ! (twat)
Brian is also in the lead in the “Race to Surin†competition, followed closely by me, Roger and Dangerous.
Like the “Race to Dubai†winnings are converted into points, Brian has the fabulous sum of 29 Satang already !! Impressive or what?
Signed
Hon Sec (depressed, sad and glum)
Frank, how do your golfing adventures in Thailand compare to playing Bramshaw ???
I don't recall Lyndhurst having any soapy massage places - or did it ? party11
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Hi Ray,
Playing at Bramshaw I always felt privileged. Lots of good pals, laughs and sometimes good weather.
Here I feel blessed.
Blessed that I can still play, albeit slowly, blessed that I have good friends who like to laugh and have fun, blessed that we are rarely rained off, blessed (most games) with a beautiful caddy and blessed to be living and playing in Paradise.
I must have done something good for life to be so perfect, but I cannot for the life of me think what it was.....
I refuse to comment on Soapy Massage on the grounds that I might damage my reputation.
You've not commented on my reply to your surface of the moon question, so I assume you are still using the ointment.....
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Happy Endings Golf Society
Competition Results – 10/03/2011
1st Roger “I got this shirt in Pattaya†Ribbins
2nd Frank “The slim good looking one†Barber
3rd Brian “Speedy Gonzales†White
4th “Dangerous†Dave Sabino
A fabulous record breaking round by “The Shirt†resulted in a well deserved win, albeit by just one point.
Interviewed after the game, Roger said :-
“ Fanks 'arry, it wern't easy, ya nah wot I mean? but I kept plugging away and it all cum togever in de end; on Toosdee I ad sum problems wiv a new shirt me missus got in Pattaya so I was beat, but t'day was diffrentâ€
asked to eleborate he replied :-
“Well 'arry, 'er indoors made a rickets wiv Toosdees shirt – it was a bit small an I ad truble getting me swing going, ya nah wot I mean? T'day I ad annuver which was not as tight; it was a big ask, but me strenf was enuf to win, innit?â€
Roger was then led away by his carer ......
Notice
Thursday 17th is the annual St Patricks day 3 club competition. Participants are reminded that excess clubs must be left in the clubhouse or your vehicle to reduce temptation.
A presentation and photo call for the winner will be held in Brian's after the match along with some traditional Irish food and entertainment.
The Captain and His Grace the Chairman, have both kindly indicated that they will take part in the competition, subject of course to any calls for attendance at the preparations for the upcoming Royal Wedding.
Rank and file members are therefore requested to dress appropriately, be on their best behaviour and to ensure that profanity is kept to a minimum.
Lost & Found
Lost 1 Nike golf ball, last seen heading into the left side jungle on the 7th, small reward to the finder.
Found In the left side jungle on the 7th, 1 thong with dragon motif and evidence of sheep hairs, too small to fit finder
Signed
Hon Sec and still Champion Golfer........
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I refuse to comment on Soapy Massage on the grounds that I might damage my reputation.
Frank, I think the horse bolted many years ago redman
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Happy Endings Golf Society 15/03/2011
Tuesday's results are
1st “Shirt†Ribbins
2nd “The slim good looking oneâ€
3rd “Dangerous†Dave
4th “Speedy Gonzalesâ€
5th His Grace “the Duke of Llanberisâ€
Yet another great effort by Roger who gave us all a thrashing.
Dangerous Dave had his best Stableford result to date, while Speedy and the Duke both seemed determined to achieve a handicap increase before Thursday's competition; sadly they were unsuccessful.
The recent rain should make the course a bit more forgiving for the 3 club challenge and mystery team competition on Thursday, good luck to all.
Probe result
A senior member, who shall remain nameless, has been accused of having a hole in his shorts pocket lining, specifically designed to allow the surreptitious dropping of a replacement ball.
While the society encourages slight bending of the rules, such underhand tactics are beyond the pale and cannot be tolerated – we are British after all......
It seems however that there has been no cheating whatsoever.
Brian buys lots of his clothing at “Ladyboys - R - Us†as do most of his friends.
He explained that the hole is intended to allow easy access to the member's member, rather than a device to cheat at golf.
He has been advised to wear different shorts on the course in future and to restrict his ladyboy clothing to his underwear - like the rest of us.
Signed
Hon Sec HEGS
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There seems to be a consistency of under-performance with the Runner-Up most weeks !
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Happy Endings Golf Society 17/03/2011
St. Patrick's Day 3 Club Challenge
The Duke of Llanberis arrived at the course in his limousine with his entourage, to be greeted by an adoring crowd of onlookers smiling, cheering, applauding and gaily waving little Welsh flags.
A local press reporter attempted to speak with his Grace but was cuffed around the ear and told “clear off you horrible little oik†and jostled by several footmen..... Oh how we laughed.
An impromptu guard of honour was formed by some caddies and the Duke graciously accepted a small gift presented on behalf of the HEGS membership.
The nearby Royal Thai Air Force base had organised a fly-past to demonstrate the high regard in which the Duke himself and British aristocracy in general, is held locally – see attached picture (1)
So, just 15 minutes late, the competition commenced...........
There were a few nerves on display on the 1st tee but all in all everyone coped well with both the pressure and only having three clubs.
Once again Roger marmalised us, winning both the individual and the mystery team competitions.
A presentation was held in Paddys Bar after the normal Bamboo breakfast which was, I must say, very poorly attended; however, Roger now takes over the mantle of “Champion Golfer†– see attached picture (2)
Roger was too overcome with emotion to say anything at the presentation but subsequently he e-mailed this :-
Frank,
I do believe that my win today cannot go on record without a big thank you to the supporting team.
Without Alans stress managment skills who knows what would have happened after I duffed that first recovery wood strike.
Brians swing coaching was a dream, as usual.
There can be no better sports psychiatrist than Dave.
Hywels calm public relations kept the crowds at bay.
Without your goodself as the fitness trainer who knows what would have happened to this superb specimen of senior golf.
Rog
Wise words indeed...
Notable shots of the day
The Captain – tee shot on the 6th, hit a marker – see attached picture (3) and rebounded behind the tee (none of us in the slips managed to catch it so we probably could get picked for England in the next test).
Dangerous Dave – tee shot again on the 6th, straight to the centre of the green resulting in an absolutely superb par – well done Dave.
Signed
Hon Sec HEGS - ex Champion Golfer
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HEGS - Winners & Losers
22/03/2011
1st The Shirt
2nd The slim good looking one
3rd Speedy
4th Dangerous
24/03/2011
1st The Shirt
2nd The slim good looking one
3rd Dangerous
4th Speedy
Well done to Roger who seems in a different league to the rest of us at the moment.
As per normal both matches were played with a great feeling of camaraderie and we all had lots of fun. However there were some strange numbers on the score cards which prompted the following poem wot I ave wrote :-
You finish your round
shake hands all around
take time, to add up your score
Can this really be true?
how is it that you
shot seven, but she wrote down four?
The fifth was the same
where young whatsername
got it wrong, when counting your hits
But maybe it's you
lost count, as you do
when letching a young caddies tits
Or maybe it's bums
that cock up your sums
or the shape of a lovely young hip
But the caddie's no clown
she keeps your score down
hoping she'll get a big tip
Signed
Hon Sec and resident poet
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Has the Happy Endings Golf Society lost it's balls ??
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Why do you need replacements?
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STOP PRESS - HEGS UPDATE
It is gratifying to see the query regarding HEGS which flooded in on May 2nd.
It is nice to know that so many miss the reports previously submitted.
The society continues to flourish, with a new member (Claes “Lefty” Staffansson, from Sweden) filling the ranks and creating new and interesting situations – if you're not paying attention, sometimes it looks like he is playing the game in reverse......
We've also had several temporary visitors to Buriram join us on our twice weekly jaunts around Khoa Kadong, notably an extremely famous member of the Circus profession who kept us in giggles for a couple of weeks.
Sadly our Chairman and Captain continue to be conspicuous by their absence, in fact our newest member is beginning to wonder if they are merely myths or legends.
On Tuesday 10th we are playing away at Surin after sorting visas and 90 day stamps; but on Thursday, our Chairman, recently returned from duties at a certain wedding in London, has promised to join us in Buriram. (it was a definite maybe anyway)
The results each week have been as before, with “The Shirt” invariably winning. The only change has been the meteoric rise of “Speedy Gonzales” who's game has improved so much that he now regularly beats “the slim good looking one” into third place. Hard to believe I know, but true....
“Dangerous Dave” remains consistent; playing one or two fabulous shots per hole, usually followed by multiple chips and putts....
We all still have great fun, enjoying the exercise, banter and camaraderie, not to mention the caddies.
Signed
Hon Sec
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I am delighted that the society is flourishing. I hope to play a round with you in the not too distant future.
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Hi guys
And thank you for the introduction and the flattering nickname. And yes, sometimes I'm not sure myself if I play reverse or not :wacko:
But, as you say, we have a lot of fun, and with a little more practice I'm sure I will get better.
If you like to have a laugh click on this link :D http://www.youtube.com/user/clasta57#p/u/4/sz3yc_YxyFk (http://www.youtube.com/user/clasta57#p/u/4/sz3yc_YxyFk)
"Lefty"
[attachment deleted by admin]
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looks like nothing has changed since i left to go to australia, looking fwd to a game with you guys early january when i visit, have not played golf since i arrived as the competition would just not be as fierce as it was with the professional althetes of the happy ending golf society who i proudly call my mates.
cheers rocky and keep up the practise you will need it for when i return!
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If you look at where speedy's foot is and then follow the trajectory of the ball you will possibly come to the same conclusion as myself. He hoofed it wackobar
And there is no club.However in the second photo the club seems to be half way up his..........
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HEGS Awayday Khon Kaen
23rd and 24th the some of the society went to Khon Kaen for an awayday.
We stayed and played at Dan Coon which came highly recommended and we were not disappointed. Both were sports days and we got two rounds of golf with caddies and buggies, overnight accommodation including breakfast for 1900 Baht.
The Hotel & Clubhouse complex is modern and clean, in fact almost too good for us! All the staff were welcoming and could not do enough for us, the food was good and the rooms comfortable.
The only sour note was from some ill mannered farangs who caught up with as we were putting out and impatiently bellowed “Leo Leo” from about 100 yards back. Our resident thug “the shirt” gave them short shrift and luckily they got the message before any blood was spilt.
The course is relatively new (2007 or 8 I think) with wide fairways and very little rough, which ensured any wayward shots were not too severely punished. There is plenty of water and even an island green which was another matter entirely.... The greens are lightning fast and a missed two foot putt often resulted in the ball going fifteen feet past the hole.
The evenings Soapy Adventure was a washout as per our recent trip to Korat, due this time to misunderstandings, rather than the late hour, so once again we all remained as chaste as a group of Nuns. If our next trip is the same we will have to change the name of the society or we will get done under the trades description act.
Despite this we had great fun, “the shirt” played well as usual, shooting in the high eighties or low nineties on both days, but “lefty”, “dangerous” and yours truly were definite also rans, shooting well into three figures – no change there then.
It was great to hear from Rocky in a recent post - we all look forward to your upcoming visit.
Signed
Hon Sec
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Having retrieved my clubs from the attic (after their 5 year sabbatical) I am ready to have another go at golf. After all if some 18 year old kid from Italy can crack it, I am sure that I am in with a shout.
I just have a couple of questions:-
1. What is the joining fee, and sundry terms & conditions, for becoming a member of HEGS
2. Is there a driving range, or similar, where I can hone my swing (I say swing, because I was previously referred to as 'axe chopper' and occasionally, rather unkindly, as 'snake-clubber' - I suspect out of jealousy rather than any meaningful, or accurate, insult).
3. Balls. Where can I get some and do they sell Dunlop 65's locally ?
4. Caddies... (snigger, snigger) - are the stories true and what should I reasonably expect. Equally important - how much should I expect to pay ?
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Sounds like another CoCo holiday coming on!
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Hey Ray,
Glad to hear you have finally dusted off your clubs and we all look forward to seeing you soon. We play every Tuesday & Thursday, tee off at 08.00 as soon as "the king" is finished and the flag is raised.
HEGS has no rules, regulations, joining fees, funny handshakes or any of that; you just need your clubs and a sense of humour.
If you decide to join Khao Kadong golf club itself, the joining fee is a massive 1500Baht, visitor green fees for nine holes including caddy fee are I think 325Baht while members pay 175Baht; playing a second nine costs an additional 70Baht, but most of us are usually on the verge of collapse after nine and head into town for breakfast.
The club is pretty laid back, many people play in trainers and most farangs wear shorts, but there are no practice facilities at all. Buriram has a golf range on the Surin road, not sure of the opening times as my swing has reached a level of perfection where practice is not required.
Balls (you'll need plenty) can be bought at the clubhouse and in the drink station (you can also buy a glove there sometimes) after the 4th hole. The balls are not new - is experienced is the correct term? - a pyramid of I think 10 balls in a clear plastic bag cost 100Baht, they've been sorted into brands so you can choose which you prefer to hook, slice or blast into the jungle or water etc.
Caddies, you should expect a diminutive figure dressed like Nanook of the North, with just smiling eyes visible under swathes of towels etc., even on the hottest day; most speak very little english but probably will be a pleasant companion and advisor on your walk. It's the luck of the draw really, some are excellent at finding your ball in the jungle or indicating the line of a putt while others are a waste of space. They will all expect a tip at the end. Stories of extra curricular activities are mostly apocryphal or wishful thinking unless you are a young Adonis or looking for a wife.
The course is easy to find. On the right hand side coming in from Prakhon Chai there are three gateways into Army Camps in a long series of white walls, you need to go in the third one. If you go down the hill towards the traffic lights you've missed it – U turn and go in the first entrance on the left. Minimal to zero security on the gate, just smile and wave and you're in.
No vehicle check, search or inspection and definitely no body cavity search, although I guess if you ask one could be arranged.....
We will look out for your portly figure in stout brogues, woollen hose, tweed plus fours, collar and tie with tweed jacket and flat cap, starting tomorrow.
Signed
Hon Sec
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Happy Endings Golf Society 17/06/2011
Combined Tuesday and Thursday results are:-
1st Fiona “Red” Adair (provisional member)
2nd Brian “Speedy” White
3rd “Dangerous” Dave Sabino
4th “The slim good looking one”
Our numbers were sorely depleted this week.
There were the usual no shows from our Chairman and Captain and the much promised visit by a certain rotund figure from Prakhon Chai, again did not happen.
“Lefty” has gone back to Sweden for a while and “The Shirt” is on a short visit to the UK.
Luckily, we have a new provisional member - Fiona Adair – so we managed a four ball on both days.
There was confusion about the dress code on Tuesday, (Fiona was told she should just wear what she normally wears while playing a round, but I think she miss heard it as “playing around”) the rest of us could not concentrate and were soundly beaten. - see attached picture.
Thursday was better, but concentration was still difficult at times as the results show.
It will be interesting to see if Fiona gets blackballed when her application for full membership is considered.
She will probably get lots of “yes” votes, in fact all three of us agreed we would give her one.
Signed
Hon Sec saintgeorgeflag
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Happy Endings Golf Society 17/06/2011
Combined Tuesday and Thursday results are:-
1st Fiona “Red” Adair (provisional member)
2nd Brian “Speedy” White
3rd “Dangerous” Dave Sabino
4th “The slim good looking one”
Our numbers were sorely depleted this week.
There were the usual no shows from our Chairman and Captain and the much promised visit by a certain rotund figure from Prakhon Chai, again did not happen.
“Lefty” has gone back to Sweden for a while and “The Shirt” is on a short visit to the UK.
Luckily, we have a new provisional member - Fiona Adair – so we managed a four ball on both days.
There was confusion about the dress code on Tuesday, (Fiona was told she should just wear what she normally wears while playing a round, but I think she miss heard it as “playing around”) the rest of us could not concentrate and were soundly beaten. - see attached picture.
Thursday was better, but concentration was still difficult at times as the results show.
It will be interesting to see if Fiona gets blackballed when her application for full membership is considered.
She will probably get lots of “yes” votes, in fact all three of us agreed we would give her one.
Signed
Hon Sec saintgeorgeflag
That girl has a hookers grip if I ever saw one.
The portly one from Prakhonchai will be joining you shortly - just have a slight diversion with a Cambodia visit next week. Mentally aiming for w/c 27th - just need 10 mins down the range to rediscover my swing.
The correct term for nearly new balls (golf or otherwise) is, I believe "bruised".
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Never mind bruised balls CoCo. There might be a bruised ego!
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Never mind bruised balls CoCo. There might be a bruised ego!
For somebody who has no interest in football or golf, you don't half crop up a lot ! :P
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Much more interested in golf than footy. Caddies and the 19th hole especially! And of course there is Ladies Golf. Some stunners recently playing in Pattaya!
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The original picture was deleted by the censors - even after the naughty bits had been blocked out. character1
See attached revised pic.
Signed
Hon Sec saintgeorgeflag
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Beach Volleyball?
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The original picture was deleted by the censors - even after the naughty bits had been blocked out. character1
See attached revised pic.
Signed
Hon Sec saintgeorgeflag
Now it's ok. winkboy
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If the caddies were all similarly attired, I wouldn't risk extra curricular activities even if offered!
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The original picture was deleted by the censors - even after the naughty bits had been blocked out. character1
See attached revised pic.
Signed
Hon Sec saintgeorgeflag
I thought the first one was blonde with blue eyes ??
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Hang on I'll check............no a Redhead - the clue was in the nickname - and her eyes were covered by her hat, or did you not notice the hat?
It's the same lady honest guv.
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Hat ?
All i noticed was a clear runway.
I guess you would have to keep your head still in a burkha ?
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Wife's Diary:
Tonight, I thought my husband was acting weird. We had made plans to meet at a nice restaurant for dinner. I was shopping with my friends all day long, so I thought he was upset at the fact that I was a bit late, but he made no comment on it. Conversation wasn't flowing, so I suggested that we go somewhere quiet so we could talk. He agreed, but he didn't say much.
I asked him what was wrong; He said, 'Nothing.' I asked him if it was my fault that he was upset. He said he wasn't upset, that it had nothing to do with me, and not to worry about it. On the way home, I told him that I loved him. He smiled slightly, and kept driving.
I can't explain his behavior I don't know why he didn't say, 'I love you, too.' When we got home, I felt as if I had lost him completely, as if he wanted nothing to do with me anymore. He just sat there quietly, and watched TV. He continued to seem distant and absent. Finally, with silence all around us, I decided to go to bed. About 15 minutes later, he came to bed. But I still felt that he was distracted, and his thoughts were somewhere else. He fell asleep; I cried. I don't know what to do. I'm almost sure that his thoughts are with someone else. My life is a disaster.
Husband's Diary:
A four putt; who the F##K four putts?
TBWG sawadi burirampea
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:D :D
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Just got scammed out of $25. Bought Tiger Woods DVD entitled "My Favorite 18 Holes".
Turns out it's about golf.
Absolute waste of money. Pass this on so others don't get scammed
Best Regards,
Charlie Sheen burirampea
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I was told that Tiger Woods lost a lot of sponsor contracts lately because of all his affairs with other ladies. But Pfizer like to engage Tiger for a campaign of a new pill. The name of the pill will be Tiagra and gives you power for 18 holes. :laugh:
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Subject: My new golf book - for sale to you at Mates Rates
You may not know it, but I have been very busy over the last
couple of year' s putting my thoughts and ideas together into a book.
I am very proud of the results and, in order to market the publication,
I am asking friends and family to assist.
The book is on golf... I believe it gives the reader valuable
playing tips and insider information that I have gained through my years
of experience.
The book is only £25.99 and can be ordered by simply replying to
this email with the appropriate credit card info.
Highlights include:
? Chapter 1 - How to Properly Line Up Your Fourth Putt
? Chapter 2 - How to Hit a Maxfli from the Rough When You Just
Hit a Titleist from the Tee
? Chapter 3 - How to Avoid the Water When You Lie 8 in a Bunker
(also see Chapter 9)
? Chapter 4 - How to Get More Distance off the Shank
? Chapter 5 - When to Give the Ranger the Finger
? Chapter 6 - Using Your Shadow on the Greens to Maximize
Earnings
? Chapter 7 - When to Implement Handicap Management
? Chapter 8 - Proper Excuses for Drinking Beer Before 9:00 a.m
? Chapter 9 - How to Find That Ball That Everyone Else Saw Go in
the Water
? Chapter 10- How to Relax When You Are Hitting Three off the Tee
? Chapter 11- When to Suggest Major Swing Corrections to Your
Opponent
? Chapter 12- When to Re-grip Your Ball Retriever
The book also includes the latest GOLF TERMS
? A Paris Hilton - an expensive hole
? A Diegio Maradonna - a very nasty 5 footer
? A Salman Rushdie - an impossible read
? A Rio Ferdinand - Lipped out
? A Rock Hudson - thought it was straight, but it wasn't
? A Cuban - needs one more revolution
? An Elton John - a big bender that lips the rim
? An Adolf Hitler - two shots in the bunker
? A Yasser Arafat - ugly and in the sand
? A Kate Winslett - a bit fat but otherwise perfect
? A Kate Moss - bit thin
? A Gerry Adams - playing a Provisional
? A Rodney King - over-clubbed
? An O. J. Simpson - got away with it
? A Princess Grace - should have taken a driver
? A Princess Di - shouldn't have taken a driver
? A Ladyboy - looks like an easy hole but all is not what it seems
? An elephant's arse - high and shitty
? A condom - safe but didn't feel real good
? A circus tent - a BIG top
? An Anna Kournikova - looks great, but unlikely to get a result
? A Vinnie Jones - nasty kick when you're not expecting it
? A Ryanair - flies well but lands a long way from the target
? A sister-in-law - up there but I know that I shouldn't be
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To which you can add a few that I had today:-
Sally Gunnell - Ugly, but a good runner.
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I had no idea golf was this easy... bravo1
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8u2IzU7l6bA&feature=player_embedded
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Leather Dresses
Did You Know This About Leather Dresses?
Do you know that when a woman wears a leather dress,
a man's heart beats quicker, his throat gets dry,
he gets weak in the knees, and he begins to think irrationally.
Ever wonder why?
It's because she smells like a new golf bag
TBWG sawadi burirampea burirampea burirampea
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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=toWilCkk6nc
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One day a man decided to retire...
He booked himself on a Caribbean cruise and proceeded to have the time of his life, that is, until the ship sank.
He soon found himself on an island with no other people, no supplies, nothing, only bananas and coconuts.
After about four months, he is lying on the beach one day when the most gorgeous woman he has ever seen rows up to the shore.
In disbelief, he asks, "Where did you come from? How did you get here?"
She replies, "I rowed over from the other side of the island where I landed when my cruise ship sank."
"Amazing," he notes. "You were really lucky to have a row boat wash up with you."
"Oh, this thing?" explains the woman. "I made the boat out of some raw material I found on the island.
The oars were whittled from gum tree branches. I wove the bottom from palm tree branches, and the sides
and stern came from a Eucalyptus tree."
"But, where did you get the tools?"
"Oh, that was no problem," replied the woman. "On the south side of the island, a very unusual stratum
of alluvial rock is exposed. I found that if I fired it to a certain temperature in my kiln, it melted into
ductile iron I used that to make tools and used the tools to make the hardware."
The guy is stunned.
"Let's row over to my place," she says.
So, after a short time of rowing, she soon docks the boat at a small wharf.
As the man looks to shore, he nearly falls off the boat.. Before him is a long stone walk leading to a cabin and tree house.
While the woman ties up the rowboat with an expertly woven hemp rope, the man can only stare ahead, dumb struck. As they walk into the house, she says casually,
"It's not much, but I call it home. Sit down, please."
"Would you like a drink?"
"No! No thank you," the man blurts out, still dazed. "I can't take another drop of coconut juice."
"It's not coconut juice," winks the woman. "I have a still. How would you like a Tropical Spritz?"
Trying to hide his continued amazement, the man accepts, and they sit down on her couch to talk.
After they exchange their individual survival stories, the woman announces,
"I'm going to slip into
something more comfortable. Would you like to take a shower and shave? There's a razor in the bathroom cabinet upstairs.."
No longer questioning anything, the man goes upstairs into the bathroom. There, in the cabinet is a razor
made from a piece of tortoise bone. Two shells honed to a hollow ground edge are fastened on to its end inside a swivel mechanism.
"This woman is amazing," he muses. "What's next?"
When he returns, she greets him wearing nothing
but some small flowers on tiny vines, each strategically positioned, she smelled faintly of gardenias.
She then beckons for him to sit down next to her.
"Tell me," she begins suggestively, slithering closer to him,
"We've both been out here for many months.
You must have been lonely. When was the last time you played around? She stares into his eyes.
He can't believe what he's hearing. "You mean..." he swallows excitedly as tears start to form in his eyes,
"You've built a Golf Course?"
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A golfer playing in Ireland hooked his
drive into the woods. Looking for his ball,
he found a little Leprechaun flat on his back,
a big bump on his head and the golfer's ball
beside him.
Horrified, the golfer got his water bottle from
the cart and poured it over the little guy,
reviving him.
'Arrgh! What happened?' the Leprechaun asked.
'I'm afraid I hit you with my golf ball,' the golfer says.
'Oh, I see. Well, ye got me fair and square.
Ye get three wishes, so whaddya want?'
'Thank God, you're all right!' the golfer
answers in relief. 'I don't want anything,
I'm just glad you're OK, and I apologize.'
And the golfer walks off.
'What a nice guy,' the Leprechaun says to himself.
I have to do something for him. I'll give him
the three things I would want... a great golf game,
all the money he ever needs, and a fantastic sex life.'
A year goes by and the golfer is back.
On the same hole, he again hits a bad drive into
the woods and the Leprechaun is there waiting for him.
'Twas me that made ye hit the ball here,
' the little guy says. 'I just want to ask ye,
how's yer golf game?'
'My game is fantastic!' the golfer answers.
I'm an internationally famous golfer now.'
He adds, 'By the way, it's good to see you're
all right.'
'Oh, I'm fine now, thank ye. I did that fer yer
golf game, you know. And tell me, how's yer money
situation?'
'Why, it's just wonderful!' the golfer states.
'When I need cash, I just reach in my pocket
and pull out $100 bills I didn't even know were there!'
'I did that fer ye also.' And tell me, how's yer sex life?'
The golfer blushes, turns his head away in embarrassment, and says shyly, 'It's OK.'
C'mon, c'mon now,' urged the Leprechaun,
'I'm wanting to know if I did a good job.
How many times a week?'
Blushing even more, the golfer looks around then whispers, 'Once, sometimes twice a week.'
'What??' responds the Leprechaun in shock.
'That's all? Only once or twice a week?'
'Well,' says the golfer, 'I figure that's not bad for
a Catholic priest in a small parish.'
-
Golf ball
Two friends went out to play golf and were about to tee off, when one fellow noticed that his partner had but one golf ball.
"Don't you have at least one other golf ball?", he asked. The other guy replied that no, he only needed the one. "Are you sure?", the friend persisted. "What happens if you lose that ball?" The other guy replied, "This is a very special golf ball. I won't lose it so I don't need another one."
Well," the friend asked, "what happens if you miss your shot and the ball goes in the lake?"
"That's okay," he replied, "this special golf ball floats. I'll be able to retrieve it."
"Well what happens if you hit it into the trees and it gets lost among the bushes and shrubs?"
The other guy replied, "That's okay too. You see, this special golf ball has a homing beacon. I'll be able to get it back -- no problem."
Exasperated, the friend asks, "Okay. Let's say our game goes late, the sun goes down, and you hit your ball into a sand trap. What are you going to do then?"
"No problem," says the other guy, "you see, this ball is fluorescent. I'll be able to see it in the dark."
Finally satisfied that he needs only the one golf ball, the friend asks, "Hey, where did you get a golf ball like that anyway?"
The other guy replies, "I found it."
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Happy Endings Golf Society
australiaflag greatbritainflag northirelandflag walesflag thailandflag
Official Communiqué
from the desk of Hon Sec
News
Members are advised that his grace the Duke of Llanberis has indicated that he will join us for golf on Tuesday 25th. He understands there will be some excitement amongst the lower orders but has asked that he is given no special treatment or ceremony. We should consider him just one of the blokes and act as if we were not in such aristocratic company.
I think that normal attire will suffice although Dangerous Dave's “I'm not a Gynaecologist – but I'll take a look” T shirt might be going too far.
His Grace will be accompanied by Pete or Peter who I believe is his Butler. From all accounts “the Butler” is pretty good and probably will threaten the number one position currently held by “the Shirt”.
Flood Relief
The committee's request for monies from the flood relief collections held around Thailand has been refused. Apparently wanting to go to Bermuda for a couple of rounds because Khao Kadong has been closed has a lower priority than helping people repair their homes and businesses. Strange but true
Notice
The committee has instructed that I use the above red banner in future so that members can differentiate between important HEGS business and the recent spate of attempts to hijack this topic by persons submitting lame jokes, stories & videos etc., this is still the official organ of the society after all.
Signed
Hon Sec
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Here's a guy that likes to play around ...What's your handicap Alan :biggrin:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V5fnqyHDPqc
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I am no expert as HEGS members will testify; but I would suggest that Alan's main handicap is probably his footwear.
His game must also be affected by the bloody awful music.
He'll no doubt improve with peace and quiet and some proper shoes.
oldmanwithstick
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I am no expert as HEGS members will testify; but I would suggest that Alan's main handicap is probably his footwear.
His game must also be affected by the bloody awful music.
He'll no doubt improve with peace and quiet and some proper shoes.
oldmanwithstick
Have to agree with all your points Joe smilenod ,the shoe's and the gangsta music are a deferent no no nono
Below is a clip of Tiger at the driving range,notice the cool way he lets the club spin through his hands after the shot and how he doesn't stand there after the shot with his arms wrapped around his neck for 10 seconds or more whilst try to make our where his ball has gone,which is most un-cool.
I think Alan shoud take Note on how Tiger's clothes fit him and how his shirt doesn't ride up after the a shot showing a beer tum hanging over his belt ,also leaning to the left after a shot is never going to cure a hooked shot :biggrin:
This site may help...http://www.videojug.com/film/how-to-cure-a-hook-the-3-ball-golf-drill
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e0mr8XsNBzY
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True Vision now have golf channel on 111.
Good to watch Sergio win at Valderrama today.
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Top Ten Reasons Why Golf Is Better Than Sex.........
10. A below par performance is considered good.
9. You can stop in the middle and have a cheeseburger and a couple of beers.
8. It's much easier to find the sweet spot.
7. Foursomes are encouraged.
6. You can still make money doing it as a senior.
5. Three times a day is possible.
4. Your partner doesn't hire a lawyer if you do it with someone else.
3. If you live in Florida, you can do it every day.
2. You don't have to cuddle with your partner when you're finished.
And best of all...........
1. If your equipment gets old and rusty, you can replace it.
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Happy Endings Golf Society
australiaflag greatbritainflag northirelandflag swedenflag thailandflag walesflag
Official Communiqué
from the desk of Hon Sec (second and last try - if the bloody server fails again I'm joining Thai Visa)
Notice
Our less regular or "occasional" members are advised that our normal routine has changed.
We now play 9 holes on Tuesday but a full 18 holes on Thursday, tee off 8am as before.
Perhaps Tuesday will change to 18 holes in the near future - watch this space.....
Maybe this will speed up the introduction of the new handicap/competition system promised by "The Butler".
News
"Rocky" Rochester, our former Chairman, is expected to visit Buriram late in December and looks forward to a game or two with HEGS.
Apparently he continues to win his battle with Annorexia so should fit right in.
No news of "Lefty" in Sweden and our French President remains incognito.
Newsflash
Your commitee has secretly been developing a revolutionary new golf buggy which it is hoped will encourage members in the sick lame or lazy category to play more frequently.
A very worthwhile project I am sure you will agree, I have personally been involved in extensive field testing as you will see from the attached photo.
Signed
Hon Sec Merry Christmas presents3
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This is deja vu !
Nice shirt Frank - you have even managed to make George Michael look butch by comparison ( in fact you even make Julian Clary look masculine!)
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Thanks for your supportive comments Ray.
It's gratifying that my attempts to emulate your sartorial elegance are appreciated.
How long do you think my new avatar will last?
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You could always inter-change it with this one:-
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Looks like Binnsy's contribution got the chop. character1
Mod blink1 obviously can only see big things, so perhaps size does matter after all ..........
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I can relate to that.
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Me To!
Frank
I gather Zimmer are interested in aquiring the patent for your Go Golf Zimmer ~~~ don't be bought off too cheaply!
TBWG sawadi burirampea burirampea burirampea
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I'm back in Buriram since 2 days and I will probably join you for a game on Thursday. Looking forward to see you again :)
"Lefty"
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Busy Day.....
My boss phoned me today.
He said, "Is everything okay at the office?"
I said, "Yes, it's all under control. It's been a very busy day, I haven't
stopped."
"Can you do me a favor?" he asked.
I said, "Of course, what is it?"
He said, "Hurry up and take your shot, I'm in the foursome two groups behind you."
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The Old Golfer.....
An old golfer comes in from a round of golf at a new
course and heads into the grill room.
As he passes through the swinging doors he
sees a sign hanging over the bar:
COLD BEER: $2.00
HAMBURGER: $2.25
CHEESEBURGER: $2.50
CHICKEN SANDWICH : $3.50
HAND JOB: $50.00
Checking his wallet to be sure he has the necessary payment,
the old golfer walks up to the bar and beckons to
the exceptionally attractive female bartender who is
serving drinks to a couple of sun-wrinkled golfers.
She glides down behind the bar to the old golfer.
"Yes?" she inquires with a wide, knowing smile,
"May I help you?"
The old golfer leans over the bar and whispers,
"I was wondering, young lady," he whispers,
"are you the one who gives the hand-jobs?"
She looks into his eyes with that wide smile and purrs:
"Yes Sir , I sure am."
The old golfer leans closer and into her left ear and says softly,
"Well, wash your hands real good because
I want a cheeseburger."
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I've just checked my wallet....I've got $52 ..I know what I'm ordering :blink:
20 cheeseburgers and a cold beer :laugh:
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You'll probably have a long wait Tonyc. Coco's having the $50 offering, and he finishes slowly. :o
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You'll probably have a long wait Tonyc. Coco's having the $50 offering, and he finishes slowly. :o
Yes heard it takes him a long time to get round 9 holes :laugh:
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Never mind 9 - he's knackered after just one! :D :D :D
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Never mind 9 - he's knackered after just one! :D :D :D
I like the course's where they have 3 hole's thumbup
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The main thing is that one gets to play around. redman
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The main thing is that one gets to play around. redman
I want to ,I think my shaft needs regripping soon :biggrin:
Any local shops in Buriram that offer this service ???
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GOLF AND WHAT IT ALL MEANS
Golf can best be defined as an endless series of tragedies obscured by the occasional miracle,
followed by a good bottle of beer.
If you find you do not mind playing golf in the rain, the snow, even during a hurricane, here's a valuable tip: your life is in trouble.
Golfers who try to make everything perfect before taking the shot rarely make a perfect shot.
A 'gimme' can best be defined as an agreement between two golfers... neither of whom can putt very well.
An interesting thing about golf is that no matter how badly you play, it is always possible to get worse. Golf is the only sport where the most feared opponent is you.
Golf is like marriage: If you take yourself too seriously it won't work, and both are expensive.
The best wood in most amateurs' bags is the pencil.
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David Letterman's Top Ten Reasons Why Golf Is Better Than Sex......
#10... A below par performance is considered damn good.
#09.... You can stop in the middle and have a cheeseburger and a couple of beers.
#08... It's much easier to find the sweet spot.
#07... Foursomes are encouraged.
#06... You can still make money doing it as a senior.
#05.... Three times a day is possible.
#04... Your partner doesn't hire a lawyer if you play with someone else.
#03... If you live in Florida , you can do it almost every day.
#02... You don't have to cuddle with your partner when you're finished.
And the NUMBER ONE reason why golf is better than sex..
#01... When your equipment gets old you can replace it.
-
THE ETHICS OF GOLF
No one ever promised all decisions would be easy!
What if you were playing in the club championship tournament finals and the
match was halved at the end of 17 holes. You had the honor and hit your
ball a modest two hundred fifty yards to the middle of the fairway, leaving
a simple six iron to the pin.
Your opponent then hits his ball, lofting it deep into the woods to the
right of the fairway.
Being the golfing gentleman that you are, you help your opponent look for
his ball. Just before the permitted five minute search period ends, your
opponent says: "Go ahead and hit your second shot and if I don't find it in
time, I'll concede the match."
You hit your ball, landing it on the green, stopping about ten feet from the
pin.
About the time your ball comes to rest, you hear your opponent exclaim from
deep in the woods: "I found It!". The second sound you hear is a click, the
sound of a club striking a ball and the ball comes sailing out of the woods
and lands on the green, stopping no more than six inches from the hole.
Now here is the ethical dilemma:
Do you pull the cheating bastard's ball out of your pocket and confront him
with it or do you keep your mouth shut.
-
THE ETHICS OF GOLF
No one ever promised all decisions would be easy!
What if you were playing in the club championship tournament finals and the
match was halved at the end of 17 holes. You had the honor and hit your
ball a modest two hundred fifty yards to the middle of the fairway, leaving
a simple six iron to the pin.
Your opponent then hits his ball, lofting it deep into the woods to the
right of the fairway.
Being the golfing gentleman that you are, you help your opponent look for
his ball. Just before the permitted five minute search period ends, your
opponent says: "Go ahead and hit your second shot and if I don't find it in
time, I'll concede the match."
You hit your ball, landing it on the green, stopping about ten feet from the
pin.
About the time your ball comes to rest, you hear your opponent exclaim from
deep in the woods: "I found It!". The second sound you hear is a click, the
sound of a club striking a ball and the ball comes sailing out of the woods
and lands on the green, stopping no more than six inches from the hole.
Now here is the ethical dilemma:
Do you pull the cheating bastard's ball out of your pocket and confront him
with it or do you keep your mouth shut.
Ahh.
Bond, James Bond !
A classic re-enactment from the Goldfinger film
-
Happy Endings Golf Society
australiaflag greatbritainflag northirelandflag swedenflag thailandflag walesflag
Official Communiqué
from the desk of Hon Sec
Newsflash - Hole in One
Since the addition of the "Hole in One" honours list outside the starter's window at Khao Kadong, many members have expressed a deep yearning to be included, it would indeed be good to have a farang name on the list.
Ever mindful of members needs and ablilities, the commitee has discussed this at length and have come up with a cunning plan.
We have suggested to the golf club managment that they construct an additional par three (as per the attached pic) which may give HEGS members a fighting chance; if not a hole in one, maybe a birdie or possibly a par......
Signed
Hon Sec
-
I think that, from anywhere on the green, that water could still come into play !
-
A father, son and grandson went to the country club for their weekly round of golf. Just as they reached the first tee, a beautiful young blonde woman carrying her bag of clubs approached them.
She explained that the member who brought her to the club for a round of golf had an emergency that called him away and asked the trio whether she could join them.
Naturally, the guys all agreed.
Smiling, the blonde thanked them and said, "Look, fellows, I work in a topless bar as a dancer, so nothing shocks me anymore. If any of you want to smoke cigars, have a beer, bet, swear, tell off-color stories or do anything that you normally do when playing a round together, go ahead. But, I enjoy playing golf, consider myself pretty good at it, so don't try to coach me on how to play my shots."
With that the guys agreed to relax and invited her to drive first.
All eyes were fastened on her shapely behind as she bent to place her ball on the tee. She then took her driver and hit the ball 270 yards down the middle, right in front of the green.
The father's mouth was agape. "That was beautiful," he said.
The blonde put her driver away and said, "I really didn't get into it, and I faded it a little."
After the three guys hit their drives and their second shots, the blonde took out an eight iron and lofted the ball within five feet of the hole. (She was closest to the pin.)
The son said, "Damn, lady, you played that perfectly."
The blonde frowned and said, "It was a little weak, but even an easy seven would have been too much club. I've left a tricky little putt." She then tapped in the five-footer for a birdie.
Having the honors, she drove first on the second hole, knocked the heck out of the ball, and it landed nearly 300 yards away smack in the middle of the fairway.
For the rest of the round the statuesque blonde continued to amaze the guys, quietly and methodically shooting for par or less on every hole.
When they arrived at the 18th green, the blonde was three under par, and had a very nasty 12-foot putt on an undulating green for a par.
She turned to the three guys and said, "I really want to thank you all for not acting like a bunch of chauvinists and telling me what club to use or how to play a shot, but I need this putt for a 69 and I'd really like to break 70 on this course.
If any one of you can tell me how to make par on this hole I'll take him back to my apartment, pour some 35-year-old Single Malt Strath Mill Scotch in him, fix him a steak dinner and then show him a very good time the rest of the night."
The yuppie son jumped at the thought! He strolled across the green, carefully eyeing the line of the putt and finally said, "Honey, aim about 6 inches to the right of the hole and hit it firm. It will get over that little hump and break right into the cup."
The father knelt down and sighted the putt using his putter as a plumb. "Don't listen to the kid, darlin', you want to hit it softly 10 inches to the right and let it run left down that little hogback, so it falls into the cup."
The old gray-haired grandfather walked over to the blonde's ball, picked it up and handed it to her and said, "That's a gimme, sweetheart."
The blonde smiled and said, "Your car or mine?"
-
Aerial Map of Bubba Watson's Shot from the Trees in Master's Playoff.....
-
Aerial Map of Bubba Watson's Shot from the Trees in Master's Playoff.....
I can do that - but I don't usually START from the trees.
-
Happy Endings Golf Society
australiaflag greatbritainflag northirelandflag swedenflag thailandflag walesflag
Official Communiqué
from the desk of Hon Sec
Newsflash - Hole in One
Since the addition of the "Hole in One" honours list outside the starter's window at Khao Kadong, many members have expressed a deep yearning to be included, it would indeed be good to have a farang name on the list.
Ever mindful of members needs and ablilities, the commitee has discussed this at length and have come up with a cunning plan.
We have suggested to the golf club managment that they construct an additional par three (as per the attached pic) which may give HEGS members a fighting chance; if not a hole in one, maybe a birdie or possibly a par......
Signed
Hon Sec
usaflag usaflag usaflag
Someone seems to have forgotten the best flag in the world,Just glad i was about to remind you bros.
-
Happy Endings Golf Society
australiaflag greatbritainflag northirelandflag swedenflag thailandflag walesflag
Official Communiqué
from the desk of Hon Sec
Newsflash - Hole in One
Since the addition of the "Hole in One" honours list outside the starter's window at Khao Kadong, many members have expressed a deep yearning to be included, it would indeed be good to have a farang name on the list.
Ever mindful of members needs and ablilities, the commitee has discussed this at length and have come up with a cunning plan.
We have suggested to the golf club managment that they construct an additional par three (as per the attached pic) which may give HEGS members a fighting chance; if not a hole in one, maybe a birdie or possibly a par......
Signed
Hon Sec
usaflag usaflag usaflag
Someone seems to have forgotten the best flag in the world,Just glad i was about to remind you bros.
Dear Boy,
We thank you for your comment, however misguided, regarding your national flag.
The heading using flags was agreed in commitee and shows the nationalities of our membership plus of course our host nation in alphabetical order.
To have the Stars and Stripes included would need an American to join the society.
You are most welcome, we meet on Tuesday and Thursday for an 08.00 tee off.
We are friendly with few rules and regulations but do expect players to adhere to our dress code.
Attached is a snap for your guidance in this matter.
It is, I am told, of a certain coffee baron from Prakhon Chai, who has filled out a little since it was taken.
Regards
Hon Sec HEGS
-
Subject: Fw: Priorities
At dawn the telephone rings,
"Hello, Senor Rod? This is Ernesto, the caretaker at your country house."
"Ah yes, Ernesto. What can I do for you? Is there a problem?"
"Um, I am just calling to advise you, Senor Rod, that your parrot, he is dead".
"My parrot? Dead? The one that won the International competition?"
"Si, Senor, that's the one."
"Damn! That's a pity! I spent a small fortune on that bird. What did he die from?"
"From eating the rotten meat, Senor Rod.."
"Rotten meat? Who the hell fed him rotten meat?"
"Nobody, Senor. He ate the meat of the dead horse."
"Dead horse? What dead horse?"
"The thoroughbred, Senor Rod."
"My prize thoroughbred is dead?"
"Yes, Senor Rod, he died from all that work pulling the water cart."
"Are you insane? What water cart?"
"The one we used to put out the fire, Senor."
"Good Lord! What fire are you talking about, man?"
"The one at your house, Senor! A candle fell and the curtains caught on fire."
"What the hell? Are you saying that my mansion is destroyed because of a candle?!"
"Yes, Senor Rod."
"But there's electricity at the house! What was the candle for?"
"For the funeral, Senor Rod."
"WHAT BLOODY FUNERAL??!!"
"Your wife's, Senor Rod". She showed up very late one night and I thought she was a thief, so I hit her with your new Ping G15 204g titanium head golf club with the TFC 149D graphite shaft."
SILENCE...........
LONG SILENCE..........
VERY LONG SILENCE.
"Ernesto, if you broke that driver, you're in deep shit."
TBWG buriram_united sawadi
-
ACTUAL CALLS RECEIVED AT A PUBLIC GOLF COURSE
Staff: Golf course, may I help you?
Caller: What are your green fees?
Staff: 38 dollars.
Caller: Does that include golf?
Staff: Golf course, may I help you?
Caller: Yes, I need to get some information from you. First, is this your correct phone number?
Staff: Golf course, may I help you?
Caller: Yes, we have a tee time for two weeks from Friday. What's the weather going to be like that day?
Staff: Golf course, may I help you?
Caller: Yes, I had a tee time for this afternoon but I'm running late. Can you still get me out early?
Staff: Golf course, may I help you?
Caller: Yes, do you have one of those areas where you can buy a bucket of golf balls and hit them for practice?
Staff: you mean a driving range?
Caller: No, that's not it.
Staff: Golf course, may I help you?
Caller: Yes, I'd like to get a tee time tomorrow between 12 o'clock and noon.
Staff: Between 12 o'clock and noon?
Caller: Yes.
Staff: We'll try to squeeze you in.
Staff: Golf course, may I help you?
Caller: Do you have any open tee times around 10 o'clock?
Staff: Yes, we have one at 10:15.
Caller: What's the next time after that?
Staff: We have one at 10:22.
Caller: We'll take that one. It will be a bit warmer.
Staff: Golf course, may I help you?
Caller: How much to play golf today?
Staff: 25 to walk, 38 with a cart.
Caller: 38 dollars?
Staff: No, 38 yen.
Staff: Golf course, may I help you?
Caller: What do you have for tee times tomorrow?
Staff: What time would you like?
Caller: What times do you have?
Staff: What time of the day?
Caller: Any time.
Staff: Morning or afternoon?
Caller: Whenever.
Staff: We have 16 times open in the morning and 20 open in the afternoon. Would you like me to read the whole list?
Caller: No, I don't think any of those times will work for me.
Staff: Golf course, may I help you?
Caller: Do you have a dress code?
Staff: Yes, we do. We require soft spikes.
Caller: How about clothes?
Staff: Yes, you have to wear clothes.
Staff: Golf course, may I help you?
Caller: Yes, do you have a driving range there?
Staff: Yes.
Caller: How much for a bucket of large balls?
Staff: Sorry, we're all out of large balls. But we can give you twice as many small balls for the same price.
Staff: Golf course, may I help you?
Caller: Can I get a tee time for tomorrow?
Staff: Sure, what time would you like?
Caller: Something between 9 o'clock and 10 o'clock. In the morning, if possible.
Staff: Golf course, may I help you?
Caller: Do you rent golf clubs there?
Staff: Yes, they're 25 dollars.
Caller: How much to rent a bag?
Staff: Golf course, may I help you?
Caller: Yes, my husband just called me on his cell phone and told me he's on the 15th hole.
How many more holes does he have to play before he gets to the 18th?
Staff: Golf course, may I help you?
Caller: Yes, do you have a driving range there?
Staff: Yes.
Caller: How much for a large bucket?
Staff: Four dollars.
Caller: Does that include the balls?
Staff: Golf course, may I help you?
Caller: Do you have a twilight rate?
Staff: Yes, it's 15 dollars after 2 o'clock.
Caller: And what time does that start?
Staff: Golf course, may I help you?
Caller: Yes, I'd like some info about your golf course.
Staff: OK, what would you like to know?
Caller: I don't know, that's why I called.
Staff: Golf course, may I help you?
Caller: My kids just came home with pockets full of range balls and said they
stole them from your driving range. Would you like to buy them back?
-
U must have a lot of time on your hands mate
-
It was reported that his wife was able to get out safely and he was able to par the hole.
-
During my last physical examination, my doctor asked me about my physical
activity level.
I described a typical day this way:
"Well, yesterday afternoon, I took a five hour walk, about 7km,
through some pretty rough terrain.
I waded along the edge of a lake.
I pushed my way through brambles.
I got sand in my shoes and my eyes.
I avoided standing on a snake.
I climbed several rocky hills.
I took a few 'leaks' behind some big trees.
The mental stress of it all left me shattered.
At the end of it all I drank eight beers".
Inspired by the story, the doctor said, "You must be one hell of an
outdoors man!"
"No," I replied, "I'm just a shit golfer".
TBWG buriram_united sawadi
-
A nun walks into Mother Superior's office and plunks down into a chair.
She lets out a sigh heavy with frustration.
'What troubles you, Sister?' asked the Mother Superior. 'I thought this was the day you spent with your family.' 'It was,' sighed the Sister. 'I went to play golf with my brother. We try to play golf as often as we can. You know I was quite a talented golfer before I devoted my life to Christ'
'I seem to recall that,' the Mother Superior agreed. 'So I take it your day of recreation was not relaxing?' 'Far from it,' snorted the Sister. 'In fact, I even took the Lord's name in vain today!' 'Goodness, Sister!' gasped the Mother Superior, astonished. 'You must tell me all about it!'
'Well, we were on the fifth tee... and this hole is a monster, Mother -540 yard Par 5, with a nasty dogleg right and a hidden green... and I hit the drive of my life. I creamed it. The sweetest swing I ever made. And it's flying straight and true, right along the line I wanted... and it hits a bird in mid-flight!'
'Oh my!' commiserated the Mother. 'How unfortunate! But surely that didn't make you blaspheme, Sister!' 'No, that wasn't it,' admitted Sister. 'While I was still trying to fathom what had happened, this squirrel runs out of the woods, grabs my ball and runs off down the fairway!'
'Oh, that would have made me blaspheme!' sympathized the Mother. 'but I didn't, Mother!' sobbed the Sister. 'and I was so proud of myself! and while I was pondering whether this was a sign from God, this hawk swoops out of the sky and grabs the squirrel and flies off, with my ball still clutched in his paws!'
'So that's when you cursed,' said the Mother with a knowing smile. 'Nope, that wasn't it either,' cried the Sister, anguished, 'because as the hawk started to fly out of sight, the squirrel started struggling and the hawk dropped him right there on the green, and the ball popped out of his paws and rolled to about 18 inches from the cup!'
Mother Superior sat back in her chair, folded her arms across her chest, fixed the Sister with a baleful stare and said...
'You missed the fucking putt, didn't you?'
-
Check this out ~~~~~~
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XRIzE_xMqMI&feature=youtube_gdata_player
TBWG buriram_united sawadi
-
Golf Etiquette . . .
A Golfer accidentally overturned his cart.
Elizabeth, a "beautiful" real golfer who lived in a villa on the golf course heard the noise and yelled over to him.
"Hey, are you okay, what's your name?"
"Sean," he replied.
"Sean forget your troubles. Come to my villa, rest up and I'll help you get the cart up later."
"That's mighty nice of you," Sean answered, "but I don't think my wife would like it."
"Aw come on," Elizabeth insisted.
She was very pretty and persuasive.
"Well okay," Sean finally agreed, and added, "but my wife won't like it."
After a hearty drink AND sexy driving and putting lessons, Sean thanked his host. "I feel a lot better now, but I know my wife is going to be real upset."
"Don't be foolish!" Elizabeth said with a smile, she won't know anything. By the way, where is she?"
"Under the cart!"
-
This is multiple choice. If you select a wrong answer, the ball moves only so far down the fairway and stops and you are charged with one stroke.
Keep selecting the answers that you think are correct and the ball moves down the fairway until you get the right answer and the ball goes in the hole.
If you have the correct answer right away, the ball goes directly in the hole - a hole in one.
This is multiple choice. If you select a wrong answer, the ball moves only so far down the fairway and stops and you are charged with one stroke.
Keep selecting the answers that you think are correct and the ball moves down the fairway until you get the right answer and the ball goes in the hole.
If you have the correct answer right away, the ball goes directly in the hole - a hole in one.
http://www.cincinnati.com/golf/golfquiz/html/brand.htm
-
Must have sound on to get the full effect of this short video.
Always practice safety when taking chip shots on the golf course. If you don't care anything about golf, watch this very short video anyhow and I know you'll learn something valuable. Turn your sound up and you can actually hear it hit.
http://www.youtube.com/embed/XRIzE_xMqMI
-
Here is an actual sign posted at a golf club in Scotland UK:
BACK STRAIGHT, KNEES BENT, FEET SHOULDER WIDTH APART.
FORM A LOOSE GRIP.
KEEP YOUR HEAD DOWN!
STAY OUT OF THE WATER.
TRY NOT TO HIT ANYONE.
IF YOU ARE TAKING TOO LONG, LET
OTHERS GO AHEAD OF YOU
DON'T STAND DIRECTLY IN FRONT OF OTHERS.
QUIET PLEASE...WHILE OTHERS ARE PREPARING.
DON'T TAKE EXTRA STROKES.
WELL DONE.. NOW, FLUSH THE URINAL, GO OUTSIDE, AND TEE OFF
TBWG buriram_united sawadi
-
Something similar has happened to me....to funny..
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A0kdBDwNddc&feature=player_detailpage
-
Is this what you guys do up at the golf course?
http://www.youtube.com/everyshotimaginable
TBWG buriram_united sawadi
-
A REAL Man's Golf Cart
-
Four old timers were playing their weekly game of
golf, one remarked how nice it would be to wake up
on Christmas morning, roll out of bed and without
an argument go directly to the golf course, meet his buddies
and play a round.
His buddies all chimed in said, "Let's do it! We'll
make it a priority; figure out a way and meet here
early, Christmas morning."
Months later, that special morning arrives, and
there they are on the golf course. The first guy
says, "Boy this game cost me a fortune! I bought my
wife a diamond ring that she can't take her eyes
off it."
The second guy says, "I spent a ton too. My wife
is at home planning the cruise I gave her. She was
up to her eyeballs in brochures."
The third guy says "Well my wife is at home
admiring her new car, reading the manual."
They all turned to the last guy in the group who is
staring at them like they have lost their minds.
"I can't believe you all went to such expense for this
golf game. I slapped my wife on the bum and said, Well luv, Merry
Christmas! It's a great morning -- intercourse or
golfcourse --'
She said, Dont forget your
sweater.
-
Involuntary Muscle Contraction?
Professor Higgins at the University of Sydney was giving a lecture on 'Involuntary Muscle Contraction' to the first year medical students.
This was not an exciting subject and the professor decided to lighten up the mood.
He pointed to a young woman in the front row and asked, 'Do you know what your arsehole is doing while you're having an orgasm?'
She replied, 'Probably golfing with his mates.'
It took 45 minutes to restore order in the classroom!
-
Golf Handicaps
A businessman was attending a conference in Africa . He had a free day and wanted to play a round of golf and was directed to a golf course in the nearby jungle. After a short journey, he arrived at the course and asked the pro if he could get on.
“Sure,” said the pro, “What’s your handicap?”
Not wanting to admit that he had an 18 handicap, he decided to cut it a bit. “Well, it’s 16,” said the businessman, “but what’s the relevance since I’ll be playing alone?”
“It’s very important for us to know,” said the pro, who then called a caddy.
“Go out with this gentleman,” said the pro, “his handicap is 16.”
The businessman was very surprised at this constant reference to his handicap. The caddy picked up the businessman’s bag and a large rifle. Again, the businessman was surprised, but decided to ask no questions. They arrived on the 1st hole, a par-4.
“It’s wise to avoid those trees on the left,” said the caddy. Needless to say, the businessman duck-hooked his ball into the trees. He found his ball and was about to punch it out when he heard the loud crack of the rifle and a large snake fell dead from a tree above his head.
The caddy stood next to him with the rifle smoking in his hand. “That’s the Black Mamba, the most poisonous snake in all Africa . You’re lucky I was here with you.”
After taking a bogey, they moved to the 2nd hole, a par-5. “Good to avoid those bushes on the right,” says the caddy. Of course, the businessman’s ball went straight into the bushes. As he went to pick up his ball, he heard the loud crack of the caddy’s rifle once again, and a huge lion fell dead at his feet.
“I’ve saved your life again,” said the caddy.
The 3rd hole was a par-3 with a lake in front of the green. The businessman’s ball came up just short of the green and rolled back to the edge of the water. To take a shot, he had to stand with one foot in the lake. As he was about to swing, a large crocodile emerged from the water and bit off much of his right leg. As he fell to the ground bleeding and in great pain, he saw the caddy with the rifle propped at his side, looking on unconcernedly.
“Why didn’t you kill it?” asked the man incredulously.
“I’m sorry, sir,” said the caddy. “This is the 17th handicap hole. You don’t get a shot here.”
And that, my golfing friends, is why you should never lie about your handicap!
-
.
-
Beats reading !!!!! .............
-
Extremest golf hole ever! 1.000.000 USD for a hole in one!
http://youtu.be/iOWR7O1oSgU
-
Michelle Wie - pro golfer.
Matching lavender outfit worth $2000.
New pair of French sunglasses worth $500.
NIKE products Endorsements worth $10,000,000.
That handy gadget to hold your putter ....
Priceless!!!
-
Bad Day At Golf...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6FMyblJkLSM&feature=player_embedded
-
The answer to finding inner peace......
-
Three Golfers and a Blonde...
A father, son and grandson went to the country club for their weekly round of golf. Just as they reached the first tee, a beautiful young blonde woman carrying her bag of clubs approached them.
She explained that the member who brought her to the club for a round of golf had an emergency that called him away and asked the trio whether she could join them.
Naturally, the guys all agreed.
Smiling, the blonde thanked them and said, "Look, fellows, I work in a topless bar as a dancer, so nothing shocks me anymore. If any of you want to smoke cigars, have a beer, bet, swear, tell off-color stories or do anything that you normally do when playing a round together, go ahead. But, I enjoy playing golf, consider myself pretty good at it, so don't try to coach me on how to play my shots."
With that the guys agreed to relax and invited her to drive first.
All eyes were fastened on her shapely behind as she bent to place her ball on the tee. She then took her driver and hit the ball 270 yards down the middle, right in front of the green.
The father's mouth was agape. "That was beautiful," he said.
The blonde put her driver away and said, "I really didn't get into it, and I faded it a little."
After the three guys hit their drives and their second shots, the blonde took out an eight iron and lofted the ball within five feet of the hole. (She was closest to the pin.)
The son said, "Damn, lady, you played that perfectly."
The blonde frowned and said, "It was a little weak, but even an easy seven would have been too much club. I've left a tricky little putt." She then tapped in the five-footer for a birdie.
Having the honors, she drove first on the second hole, knocked the heck out of the ball, and it landed nearly 300 yards away smack in the middle of the fairway.
For the rest of the round the statuesque blonde continued to amaze the guys, quietly and methodically shooting for par or less on every hole.
When they arrived at the 18th green, the blonde was three under par, and had a very nasty 12-foot putt on an undulating green for a par.
She turned to the three guys and said, "I really want to thank you all for not acting like a bunch of chauvinists and telling me what club to use or how to play a shot, but I need this putt for a 69 and I'd really like to break 70 on this course.
If any one of you can tell me how to make par on this hole I'll take him back to my apartment, pour some 35-year-old Single Malt Strath Mill Scotch in him, fix him a steak dinner and then show him a very good time the rest of the night."
The yuppie son jumped at the thought! He strolled across the green, carefully eyeing the line of the putt and finally said, "Honey, aim about 6 inches to the right of the hole and hit it firm. It will get over that little hump and break right into the cup."
The father knelt down and sighted the putt using his putter as a plumb. "Don't listen to the kid, darlin', you want to hit it softly 10 inches to the right and let it run left down that little hogback, so it falls into the cup."
The old gray-haired grandfather walked over to the blonde's ball, picked it up and handed it to her and said, "That's a gimme, sweetheart."
The blonde smiled and said, "Your car or mine?"
-
1923, Who Was:
1. President of the largest steel company?
2. President of the largest gas company?
3. President of the New York stock Exchange?
4. Greatest wheat speculator?
5. President of the Bank of International Settlement?
6. Great Bear of Wall Street?
These men were considered some of the worlds most successful of their days.
Now, 90 years later, the history book asks us, if we know what ultimately became of them.
The Answers:
1. The president of the largest steel company. Charles Schwab,
died a pauper.
2. The president of the largest gas company, Edward Hopson,
went insane.
3. The president of the NYSE, Richard Whitney,
was released from prison to die at home.
4. The greatest wheat speculator, Arthur Cooger,
died abroad, penniless.
5. The president of the Bank of International Settlement,
shot himself.
6 The Great Bear of Wall Street, Cosabee Livermore,
also committed suicide
However,
in that same year, 1923, the PGA Champion and the winner of the most important golf tournament, the US Open, was
Gene Sarazen.
What became of him?
He played golf until he was 92, died in 1999 at the age of 95.
He was financially secure at the time of his death.
The Moral:
F**k work.
Play golf.
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Where to you all play and is there room for me to join you
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Hi,
We play at the Buriram Army Course (Khao Kadong)
Every Tuesday and Thursday, tee off 08.00
All are welcome unless you are too good.....
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Thanks for the info and I'm looking forward to playing.
I have never been accused of being a good golfer, but I can hit my foot wedge with either foot.
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Just a reminder boys....5555555...have fun...
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Sex anyone?
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The Rules of Bedroom Golf
(http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-TTF-sZN-AgI/T7PHUAGDsRI/AAAAAAAAFHc/ofhQXn7dKzI/s1600/golf-golf-club-tiger-woods-smiley-emoticon-000193-large.gif)
1. Each player shall furnish his own equipment for play.
2. Play on a course must be approved by the owner of the hole.
3. Unlike outdoor golf, the object is to get the club in the hole and keep the balls out.
4. For most effective play, the club should have a firm shaft. Course owners are permitted to check shaft stiffness before play begins.
5. Course owners reserve the right to restrict club length to avoid damage to the hole.
6. The object of the game is to take as many strokes as necessary until the course owner is satisfied that play is completed. Failure to do so may result in being denied permission to play the course again.
7. It is considered bad form to begin playing the hole immediately upon arrival at the course. The experienced player will normally take time to admire the entire course with special attention to well formed bunkers.
8. Players are cautioned not to mention other courses they have played, or are currently playing, to the owner of the course being played. Upset course owners have been known to damage players equipment for this reason.
9. Players are encouraged to bring proper rain gear for their own protection.
10. Players should ensure themselves that their match has been properly scheduled, particularly when a new course is being played for the first time. Previous players have been known to become irate if they discover someone else playing on what they considered to be a private course.
11. Players should not assume a course is in shape for play at tall times. Some players may be embarrassed if they find the course to be temporarily under repair. Players are advised to be extremely tactful in this situation. More advanced players will find alternative means of play when this is the case.
12. The course owners is responsible for manicuring and pruning any bush around the hole to allow for improved viewing of alignment with, and approach to the hole.
13. Players are advised to obtain the course owners permission before attempting to play the back nine.
14. Slow play is encouraged. However, players should be prepared to proceed at a quicker pace, at least temporarily, at the course owners request.
15. It is considered outstanding performance, time permitting, to play the same hole several times in one match.
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Matt Jones pings ball off rocks, across green, right up to cup … just like he planned it
https://mtc.cdn.vine.co/r/videos/0C122201D8978065438946848768_1a6cc8dcf94.3.1_MslXeeoWrtZIMe8TWU.eLBcASFmmdNWlKWAuqENGbjxlKmBhsHrbz2A2uWDlvts7.mp4?versionId=eTJC60jLmJIl.RcI0aENUwyUOpvUuShB
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Kung Fu golf shot....
Watch the video Kung Fu Golf Shot! on Yahoo! Sports. Maybe Tiger Woods will start to bring out this awesome swing technique next time we see him in a tournament!
http://ca.sports.yahoo.com/video/kung-fu-golf-shot-044709333.html
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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1kyizstu36E&feature=player_embedded